Uh oh, increasing the dose to get more motivated is a trap. I can't count how many times I've fallen into that one before I finally got the lesson. The simple fact is, you get tolerant to the motivation enhancement. It's one of the first effects to dissipate -- it's linked to the euphoria and confidence that come with a classic "stimulant high." It's not caused by the improvement of attention span or self-control. People generally won't get tolerant to the improvement of self-control and attention span, but the high simply cannot be sustained, even if you're only a very tiny bit high, and even if you take memantine and selegiline.
If this is why you pushed the dose up to 60mg the last time you took it, I'm not surprised that the side effects were terrible. The dopamine and norepinephrine receptors do not all re-regulate at the same speed. Some of the effects never go away, whereas a person is already becoming tolerant to other effects before the dose even wears off. If your limbic system was tolerant to the motivation enhancement, your heart would not necessarily be tolerant to the cardiac stimulation, and your kidneys would not be tolerant to the diuretic effects. And so on and so forth. I bet your reward system must have gotten pretty dependent on the adderall, which could cause you to feel tired, depressed, or anxious when the adderall wears off. And it could get to where you needed the adderall every morning just to get going, and you still didn't even feel that motivated.
There's just no way to prevent those side effects if you escalate the dose too high. And there's no way to keep getting a little bit high off it, day in and day out. From personal experience with ADHD and ADHD meds, the only long-term way to get motivated is to use behavior modification on yourself. And if there's any depression or anxiety or sleep problems, those have to be taken care of. What are your thoughts on all this?
You bring up very valid points. My hope is that the selegiline + memantine + adderall combo will prevent the need to increase the dosage, which definitely causes the effects you described. I also am very honest with myself about the addiction capacity of Adderall, and make sure to weed out and eliminate any self deception that might cause me to fall into that trap.
I think maybe I should mention a few things though that might explain some details I left out. The first time I started Adderall, a couple years ago, my previous doctor had me on 20mg. I was on that dose for 3-4 months before the motivating effects seemed to diminish. When I let him know this, he increased the dosage. It repeated this twice, and I stopped taking it after a year.
This time around, as I mentioned in my last post, I was surprised by the effectiveness of the 5mg combo. However, I still had it in my mind that I was inevitably going to need to up the dose to a more "practical" level to see sustained results. Shortly after my previous post, I re-evaluated and decided against upping the dosage today. I realized that I was letting my presumption interfere with my actual state of mind. I always try to make sure I evaluate these things before making decisions. I do not generally have problems with addiction, so it is easy for me to evaluate what is true vs. what my brain/body wants. If I find myself getting urges that are caused by the addictive effects of certain substances, I stop myself from acting on these urges. Today, after I realized that 5mg might actually be enough, I found that I was able to accomplish the things I needed to get done. I am, once again, pleasantly surprised.
As far as the "stimulant high", I understand this to be the euphoria effect that happens when first starting Adderall. Generally, I find the euphoria to be pleasant, yes, but not helpful. It is distracting, because I will do tasks that feel good to my stimulated brain instead of the tasks that I need to do. I have always been happy that the euphoria phase goes away quickly (usually after the first day or two). I do not try to seek out this feeling.
As far as depression, anxiety and sleep problems: my lack of motivation has been around since birth. I've always had a slightly sedated, day dreamy feeling that results in a lack of sensitivity towards prioritizing and goal acheiving. The first experience I had with stimulants (besides caffeine which seems to do nothing for me mentally, only physically) was when I started taking time released psuedoephedrine during highschool for allergies. My continuous, life long brain fog rolled back and I started thinking clearly. I didn't trip over my words any longer, and became known for my quick wit. At the time, I just thought it was part of growing up. Looking back now, I can see that I was effectively treating my undiagnosed ADD with a mild stimulant.
When I went to college, I stopped taking the allergy medicine. The sedated feeling came back. Even if I mentally knew something was important, I didn't have the drive to accomplish it. I was remarkably resilient to depression and anxiety through many years of failure and setbacks. By the time I quit school, I did face some minor depression and anxiety because of the struggle (I think most anyone would, probably more than what I felt). This rendered the Adderall slightly ineffective for my studies because of the anxiety that I felt related to the failure. However, I found that I was able to do all of my non-school related tasks like never before. Getting out of bed became automatic instead of the painful process that it had been for 23 years. If I needed to go to the store for milk, it no longer took a monumental amount of effort: I just did it. Before Adderall, each task was like a giant boulder that I had to struggle and strain against to get rolling. With Adderall, I could walk up to it and barely push, and it would roll along.
Over the last year of not taking any stimulants, I've tried as many different brain building supplements and herbal anti-depressants as possible. I've changed my diet, exercised, developed proper sleeping cycles, dealt with all remaining emotional baggage causing negativity, etc. When all is said and done, I feel healthier and wiser. But healthier and wiser has gained me very little ground towards the ability to get up in the morning and do what I need to do. By comparison, 3 days ago, I took one 5mg dose of Adderall, and suddenly my eyes opened to all that needed to be done, and how I needed to do it. I got up and did more work in two hours then I had done in the previous week.
Ultimately, I have hated Adderall because of it's side effects, but nothing else has given me the ability to take control of what's going on inside of me like it has. I feel like it does many things inside of my body that I don't want or need, but it is doing one thing that I've been unable to do by 25 years of willpower.
I wish I could find the root of the problem, and I will continually be searching for it, but until then, I can no longer justify not taking Adderall. It just works too well at doing what nothing else has seemed to have been able to do.
Edited by zrbarnes, 04 April 2012 - 09:46 AM.