Entry 13: shit show ramble... dont read.... not worth your time about growth

Entry 13:

noots today:

oxiracetam(750mg) in mid morning
oxiracetam(750mg) 3pm

Things I got from my reading today:(I also I want to spend 4 minutes seeing I can put this knowledge into future success)

*best way to gain self-control is to see how/where/when/why you lose self control
*another interesting task aspect is to look at when I procrastinate or put something off. (avoid)
*Hmmmm. This book talks about will power challenges. It’s interesting because she is implying that all will-power challenges(or lack there of will-power) are all the same. From a person about to break their diet, to the person deciding not to open the past due bill, to the alcoholic. Its hard for me to fully accept this, but I guess on a fundamental reason she is right. I guess I have my own biasts about that idea.

So this book asks to pick out a “will-power challenge.”

Here are it goes:

What is something the you would like to do more of, or stop putting off, because you know that doing it will improve the quality of your life?

• Set, visualize, verbalize and intended outcome of every task I do.
• Thanking myself, pumping myself with good emotions after completing a task whether the outcome was good or bad, as long as I put effort into it.
• Affirmations, in the car.
• GETTING HONEST IN ALL ASPECTS OF MY LIFE. This is probably the hugest and hardest thing for myself. Probably the thing that will be easiest for me to avoid and probably where the most growth will come for myself.
• Breaking down my fears. Journal-ling every time I lose control of my emotional nature, places where I feel insecure, I run into fear. Things that I lose control of my awareness, intent, poise, and purpose. Where I am affected more than I am effecting. Once I break it down, I game a plan for action next time, then purposefully and quickly put myself in that position and re-shoot it.

I won’t power challenge: what is the stickiest habit in your life? What would you like to give up or do less of because its undermining your health, happiness or success?

1. lying- thorough 10 steps would resolve this.

A) Going through the 12 steps as thoroughly as possible would be the shit.

2. Procrastination
A) not approaching woman/being social everywhere I go.

B) Not doing the things I want to avoid the most first thing in the day. For me it would be homework, phone calls to people in program, starting conversations with strangers and anything that is getting out of comfort zone activities.


I want power challenge: What is the most important long term goal you’d like to focus your energy on? What immediate “want” is most likely to distract you or tempt you away from your goal??

• most important would be evolution. Growth.
• Most likely to distract me/pull me off course is a girlfriend/or useing drugs again.
• I'm trying to brain storm here and again the biggest thing I can do for growth is get honest. A lot of these things I have written are great behaviors I want to incorporate, but in the end I want to develop habits the mold a great character out of me. Like I said honesty is the hardest on and that is the main one I want to focus on.
• There is some beliefs I really want to program in my head. Like, "I am enough as I am right now," "Happniess is doing the things I fear most constantly, always and all the time," "That I love the challenge." There is also places in my emotional life I want to develop. Like making discomfort my comfort zone. The latter is basically based on actions. The beliefs are a bit of action programming with other CBT skills.

1/2/15:
What worked today:
Affirmations multiple times a day, seem to really help. Especially about deserving, that I am enough, that I am a quality human being.

What did not work: I don’t know. I guess there were moments of procrastination, but for the most part I was in action most of the day and pretty damn productive.
If anything I think a 20minute nap might have helped, but I used that time to meditate and that seemed to grreatly help instead.

Also reviewing my year goals, 3x a day(when I wake up, middle of the day and before I go to bed) seem to help me get in touch with my , “Why”. And that really helps push me and give me energy.

I think the biggest thing I messed up on was start researching shit online a couple of times. I do it on the PC and on the cell phone instead of engaging people in converstions.

Also socializing at the grocery store is a big thing. I want to go attempt to pick up everywhere I go no matter how I feel.


1/3/15
Today was a grind. Everything was pretty smooth. Just a lot to do and now at the end of the day I am burned out. I just realized this next 3 months are gonna be insane. Lots of all nighters, lots of shit that will disrupt that wonderful habit cycle I have going on.

That being said, I guess the best game plan is do not deviate. If I am planning to work all night, and hoping to get 4 hrs asleep if I don’t do my habits, fuck it, get only 2 hrs of sleep,

Just do not deviate will be my moto.

I am also gonna use hydrafinil (and maybe in combo with adrafinil and caffine). Though now look in reflection I think 4 cups of coffee(because I don’t drink coffee) would probably do a better job.

8]Oh, I am taking a 3hr test on the 5th. Its a biggie. I gotta get an A on it. I am sorta doing some cramming as well. Its gonna be a balls to the wall gind fest like till march.

1/ 5/14
Crazy grind finally over. Haven’t completed the day as I would like.
I am slipping and want to re-double my efforts as of now.

I gonna finish the day off strong. Meditate, review some goals, visualize, 10th step, plan tomorrow(goals for tomorrow and create consequences for not doing them), stretching. some reading. btw, I got no sleep last night