Unplugged

I want to watch TV. I don't want to be in my life. There is so much drudgery and so little reward. There's a big fat concrete box in the middle of my life It's name is drudgery, want and disease, poverty, appearance issues, diminuation of the body, diminishment of pride, hopelessness and sadness.

Yeah.

fuck you, I want to watch TV. I want to go into a trance. I'm tired of taking vitamins. I want the brown spots off my skin. I don't want to look at them. Why are there ink spots on my purse? Why aren't I famous? Why aren't I beautiful? I want to be.

It's so hard to live this life. So hard, so hard. I want to run away. I'm through. fuck you TV. fuck you traffic, fuck you McDonald's, fuck you stretchmarks, fuck you the wrinkles on my wrists, fuck you the hair on my ankles that I'm too dysfunctional to shave, fuck you skin issues, fuck you the dirt on the floor, fuck you the lady that feeds the birds that wake us up each morning.

* * *

Oh God, the vog is back.

* * *

Proximity

to the . . . . . . . . .Perimity

. . . . . . . .. to the diminity

to the . . . . . . .Periphery of

the . . . . . . . . .

Proclamity

of the calamity

Proximity

equanimity

magnanimity

unanimity

imminent

rent

heaven sent

regiment

sentiment

temerity

prosperity

austerity

celerity

severity

This is a poem I couldn't quite write.

* * *

I often contemplate an old-fashioned rest home with a wide veranda, gracious nurses bringing me my meals on a tray, and white curtains. I would love that.

* * *

Yesterday I was home all day watching TV and I somehow missed Katie Couric's interview with Manti Teo as well as the Dr. Phil Show on "Love Frauds," aka Catfish. Jimmy Kimmel has a cool intro now. He had Matt Damon playing him but I had to miss it to watch Chelsea. Such is life without a Tivo.

Good times.

* * *

There's a blanket of gray-white volcanic smog over the city. It's warm and muggy. I went to a vegan restaurant run by Taoists. It was quiet! I got drumsticks, and Kung Pao tofu. They made me some steamed snow peas. It was nice.

I drove through the warm muggy air. My car's AC gave up years ago in a heat wave. I had an important task to do and I had a feeling if I didn't do it first it wouldn't happen but I also needed to go the bank. By the time I got to the other place the person had left for the day. At least I was out doing stuff. I have been a wreck because some fool feeds the birds on our building's roof so they land on our lanais dozens of times a day and wake us up at dawn. For over a year. And a hundred other things that make my home less than inhabitable. It sucks.

Grrrr. Grrrr. Grrrr.

Contemplate. Ruminate. Hate. Hate. Fulminate.