Hi
New to forum
I'm 23, used meth for like 1.5 years on and off more on though. Was sober for like 2 months a few months ago but relapsed. Was doing great at that time. Every time before whenever I stopped meth and got sober for longer than a week it seemed like my dopamine receptors were like unregulated or some shit cuz after i got the sleep I was always more motivated and interested in things and shit and even had elevated energy levels compared to previously.
But this time I don't know what happened literally can't remember exactly but I think I didn't get that sleep in and was left in like some hyper state for a while after my last meth dose and didn't even enter into like a tired state even though during the binge I kept getting tired as fuck like usual, like passing out on floor too heavy to get up etc.
But my dad kept like preventing me from getting sleep and then accidentally threw away my sleep meds both gabapentin and trazodone which I always used to like ensure sleep when it was time.
So anyway, this time for like 2 weeks following last meth dose, my brain was clearly significantly altered. In the beginning I seemed kind of normal except for super high heart rate, couldn't sleep at all had to just lie there with ear plugs and close my eyes, and constant sweating and my brain seemed kind of sped up still. After a few days of that, I finally got some trazodone again but I still couldn't sleep well, I was only getting like 3-4 hours for the first month
And for that first month i had to wear earplugs most the day cuz like every sound was so loud I could hear like everything literally and it was all amplified a shitloads. Now at two months, that has almost all gone away it seems to be related to like dopamine lacking in the noise translating part of brain it feels like.
Man there's too much shit I can't even type it all or remember tbh but like overall everything was off. My vision everything seemed like it was coming at me faster and it seemed like my brain was like not registering the visual shit fast enough also, so I had dizziness when standing but that has recovered a lot by now also.
I had and still have a like weak feeling in body. Obviously nerves were destroyed so for a while my hands could not even like grip things and even now my hands and legs feel like weak.
A month ago I had to lie down with earplugs and sunglasses like every other hour or pretty much all day, but now only maybe once or twice for a lil bit.
It just like my stimulation threshold is low so I need rest breaks as my brain must still be like not up to speed with my body yet.
But like I can push through and like try yo do things but I find I get super irritable or just a sensation reminiscent of being irritable due to shakiness body weakness etc.
And also I notice it seems like my brain crashes also coincides with these off feelings. Like I'll get up and realize oh shit I feel weak af and realize my eyes have been in light for a while and I haven't eaten that much yet
I can't tell how much of this is a black ood sugar erraticism now.
But it's probably just everything since my brain is basically damaged
I noticed my blood pressure until recently was extremely low like 90/50 and that was in line with how I felt. Like felt like my body was like sunken in the ground still. But now it's back to normal and I can feel it better but if I try to walk around I still feel off like a lack of sensation of my body somewhat.
Overall I will say in the past 2 weeks many of the days have been on the whole decent. Except some days I had weird clearly low dopamine feelings and weird depression feelings.
So many variables at play though with the meds I take at night to sleep, and how muc sleep I get and especially how good the sleep feels.
There are some really interesting things I forgot that happened as well. My bad my writing ability sucks right now and I'm on a phone, but like in that first month my brain was like reset to like a 5 year olds.
Like I was so damn weak and every time I moved it felt like I was cumming or had to take a piss. I could not hold any urine was literally pissing so often and I could not even feel like my bladder. Also my senses were like born anew but now they've normalized again which is good but also I missed that part though. Like every girl I saw (in the first month I was still like going out in public a lot weirdly cuz even tho I was weak it was like I totally had no perception of it at all like I couldn't feel the weakness for some of the time)
Every girl I saw like gave my heart a startle and I would feel an orgasm tingle at the tip of my dick. I also became like extremely horny because of how new all this sensory input felt, like I started getting spontanepus boners in response. But then other sensory inputs like cars or just anything really was like startling sometimes especially noises. So I was like jack sparrow only not physically jumping at everything but I felt the internal jumps very well. And also had weird laughing spells where id start giggling and didn't even know why
Now at the two month mark those things have gone away and I can tell my brain is starting to think bigger picture again and like thinking about important shit so my brain feels a little more serious now. And sometimes I've been getting pissed off lately cuz I can feel myself like wanting to be out there like I was doing things and working out and meeting girls or just whatever, but my actual physical strength still sucks I can't even stand for that long yet. Worked out a few times. I don't get the same like euphoric sensation as before but I still did it and could tell I did some decently strenuous stuff but just couldn't feel the normal sensation properly. And my breathing is still off. First month it felt like I wasn't even breathing I couldn't even tell. Now it's going back to normal but still when I'm like crashing I feel like I need to take deep breaths even though I know like I don't panic or anything it just the sensation of a deep breath gives me a feeling of breathing.
I'm into bodybuilding so I do weights and I'm pretty muscular and low bodyfat. But I need to do cardio cuz I feel like that'll definitely help this process.
Even when I exercise now my breathing rate doesn't seem to pick up and I don't feel like I'm even exerting that much until I'm resting then I consciously have to take in deep breaths, whereas before I never thought about it my body just did it.
Meds I take at night are
Benadryl-25-50mg, like every night
Amitriptyline- doctor just gave me it, used it a few times at 25mg. It's definitely the one that seemed to knock me out the best and it seems like I slept the most on it compared to trazodone or other combinations, however the next day I feel even weaker than usual and even depressed and irritable. I've only the past few days found myself able to take in coffee again although I get a crash from it now but yesterday and today the crash has been just like flatness as opposed to a depressed crash. But previously in my life I literally never perceived much crash from caffeine. I would drink some and be good most day or drink more later.
Trazodone is main sleep med-50-100mg
With the benadryl and I take like Valeria root melatonin and some sleep teas on top of that and sometimes gabapentin
I also got a short month Xanax supply
Used it like three times and the Xanax or the gabapentin, Xanax moreso, seem to ensure that my sleep is ok at least which helps my whole next day
But I know I can't take gabapentin or Xanax often cuz I'm afraid of a
Those withdrawals too.
But fuck could I use the Xanax like 3 times a week for a couple weeks to really get in some better feeling sleep ?
Overall it seems like my sleep is like an issue here, cuz I literally never in my life woke up before during my sleep but this has been my issue lately and waking up like before I should and I feel it's also related to the dopamine lack or some shit. Cuz i feel like u need dopamine to like stay asleep and have ur body maintain the good feeling ur having when sleeping. Like I just wake up randomly but after a while lying there I realize it actually often is my bladder and that I need to take a puss but just couldn't feel it for a while. Before I would wake up to take pisses but it was like automatic I woke up sleepwalked to toilet and fell right back asleep no problem.
I'm also on some steroids but I was always taking them they're not a huge factor I mean I know overall they can be but in terms of what's different from previously, since they've always been in there don't think there's much to say about them other than they def have helped my strength recover faster even nerve strength as I feel like since they just make me feel sexier that psychological part is the majority of their benefit. But even when I'm looking good I can't override this brain deficit I currently have.
I'm hoping like 2 more months and I should be like somewhat back to normal?
And thoughts on the gabapentin? It makes me feel good. Like if I take 900mg when I start crashin in afternoon mentally, it suddenly makes me feel good and is an even like move around better seems like whatever it does overrides the slow like nerve signaling to my body I'm having otherwise.
I was taking NAC but ran out
Now just gingko biloba
Low dose cialis
Testosterone prop and enanthate
Masteron
Proviron
Some dbol
Milk thistle
Cranberry extract
Fish oil
Multi
Coq10
Magnesium
And I drink green tea and started coffee again
And taurine
My appetite hasn't been too big some days, I find my stomach is growlin but I don't feel hungry. Also my shits have been off this whole time. Just not normal smooth big shits like before.
And resting heart rate has been 100bpm whereas before I was generally like 80-90
But I feel like ita like some kind of adrenal compensation in this recovery period
Anyway sorry for long disjointed post
Thank u
