5 replies to this topic

[cat-nips]

Here we go again, and I'm about to give myself a mainly self-imposed torturous withdrawal from Dexedrine.  Been here before, this is my 3rd or 4th round of stopping in the last decade, each case where I've stopped for roughly a year at a time.  It's been dawning on me that it just doesn't work in my life anymore and I need to stop.  However, each time I do, I turn into a useless sack of shit, unable to function and exist in any normal capacity.  Lately, it's been effective for maybe an hour or two at best which quickly turns into anxiety, mood swings, or irritability and then later, exhaustion.  Currently just on 15mg ER once per day, weaned down from 30/40.  

 

Every single time I've gone off, it's been horrible and I swore in those states, that I wouldn't ever go there again.  But I have and I am again.  Will run out tomorrow.  My NP appointment isn't till the 27th.  If I can survive, I'll cancel it.  Things I have in my arsenal are Racetams, Deprenyl, Uridine.  Considering Stablon.  I cannot take Modafinil products long term because of the aggravation of histamine response it produces and the anxiety, as well.  Other than the Dexedrine, I currently supplement with Ashwagandha, Iodine, Matcha Green Tea, Magnesium, D3, Omegas, and some B's.  

 

Starting this post because in a few days, I probably won't have the energy to do so and I think it might help to have an outlet to record experiences.  Insight or suggestions are always appreciated.  

[ibtisam_midlet]

try downing the dose until you start get that horrible withdrawal, just put your self in it as much as you can tolerance

and when the withdrawal stopped decrease the dose more.

[cat-nips]

Day 3 Update:  Pretty much in hell.  Today is the worst.  Amps have a half life of about 15 hours, so 15 x 5 = 75 hours total before it's out.  I'm close to having cleared it by now.  If I can manage to stand up for 10 minutes, I'll get dizzy and have heart palpitations and then eat a ton of food and then crash.  I forget how long this acute withdrawal stage lasts.

 

Nothing helps at this point, except for maybe coffee, marginally, and maybe Phenylpiracetam, even more marginally.  1/2 of a Armadofinil was enough to make me jittery and sick and anxious.  Heart is still pounding.  I break out into cold sweats all night and day.  I sit here still. typing and feeling myself feeling chilled but have goosebumps and my skin feels clammy and sweaty and hot.  I can't be awake for more than an hour or two without falling back asleep.  Any task that requires more than a few minutes of concentration gets neglected.  And it goes without mentioning that any goal that I was working towards just 5 days ago, is nonexistent and abandoned.  

 

I've slept more these past 3 days then I probably have for the last year.  On amps, I never manage to get more than 4-5 hours of sleep per night consistently, if I'm lucky.  That becomes torturous in itself.  

 

This last year, I managed to cut my dose down, and created some positivity with my goals in life.  I know I was on here earlier, about going back on for that reason and it was effective.  For example, currently waiting to hear back from the results from an interview for a position I interviewed with multiple people on multiple occasions.  Regained contact with friends and family that I hadn't spoken to in years.  Consistently did an exercise program and was on my way to greater fitness heights and considering a more professional certification again.  That, and the fact that for much of that time I was more alive, alert and available to be a capable parent and dealing with any issues that may arise.  That is, unless the mood swings hit.  

 

I guess I forgot the torture of going off.  After awhile the sleep deprivation and swings really get to you.  You start to question your whole sense of personality, especially in regard to how you treat the others around you.  More dismissive, irritable, more likely to fly off the handle, and less likely to be able to curb that anger.  I never remember being particularly aggressive before, and now sometimes find myself quite shocked at how much I start to seethe when I get pissed.  

 

Just reread my post over a year ago when I went back on, and was barely even able to read it in current state.  Mental function is clearly more impaired now.  I thought this time around, discontinuation might be effective because I was on a reduced dose and was better equipped to handle it.  LOL.  

 

I'd take my pre-medicated, non-withdrawal, self back again in a heartbeat, I think.  But I don't know if I'll ever be able to get there again.  Or if I even remember accurately that it was better than this misery.  This vicious cycle is torturous, yet I know lots go through this all the time.  Nothing helps this that I know of.  All the supplements and noots that gave me both significant positive and negative results on meds, do ZERO for me off them.  A few days ago I would have said that tapering isn't effective for me, as it would just prolong the time I had to spend suffering, despite it being to a lesser degree.  If I'm going to do it, I'd rather just get it over with.

 

Right now, I'm more in line with thinking the level of severity of the withdrawal is too intense, and I was wrong.  But then I have to stop thinking because it then gets too foggy and painful and exhausting.  So its back to my hole for now and another two days of my probable failed experiment to get through.  Why do I even bother.

Edited by cat-nips, 26 May 2020 - 12:04 AM.

[cat-nips]

Day 4. Uncomfortable psychomotor agitation and return of RLS symptoms all night.

AM stack: 75mg Armodafinil, 5mg Prozac, 500 mg Ashwagandha, 800mg Piracetam, 300mg Alpha GPC, 10mg Lisinopril.

[cat-nips]

Day 6:  Withdrawal symptoms mainly over during the day, but still get a bit of the agitation at night.  Sleep is still disturbed and Restless Leg symptoms are seriously aggravating at night, but I'm still getting more than I did when on.  Still get spells of fatigue for a few hours during the day, but they seem to be somewhat lessening.  

 

Days 1-3, I took a supplement containing Mucana Pruriens, Tyrosine, uridine.  This slightly helped, but was still in midst of withdrawal, so it's hard to say.  Phenylpiracetam was helpful twice a day for the first few days, but afterwards starting to produce some uncomfortable irritability and anxiety symptoms, so was dropped.

 

Armodafinil didn't work and only caused massive nausea and anxiety that persisted for hours.  Then, FINALLY, had a close to 180 degree shift a few hours after supplementing with one dose of 5mg Deprenyl + Piracetam.  

 

The things that have helped the most and current stack going forward indefinitely: 

Coffee blended with Butter/MCT. 

5mg Deprenyl (more is not better here) + 800mg Piracetam 1-2x per day.

Iodine Protocol at 12.5mg (more is not necessarily better here either.  been adjusting doses for nearly a year. it takes a little trialing and some consistency to get it right) + a supplement containing some B vitamins, minerals + 100mg of Tyrosine to help convert.

Ashwagandha, Omegas, Vitamin D + K,  Vitamin C @ 2-3000mg

Short bursts of HIIT, which made my heart pound out of my chest and sucked during, but the after effects were evident and noticeably positive for hours later.

Green tea, either capsulized, or in the form of matcha green tea powder, blended into a pea protein smoothie.

 

Honestly, I don't think there's much that's going to assist in the initial process of withdrawal, meaning the first few days.  You kind of have to steel yourself against the pain to reestablish a new baseline, and be willing to grit through it.  After the first few days are over, then you can start adding in the exogenous stack supplementation to help you function better.  It's not an accurate measure when in the height of the acute detox phase. 

 

I think the pain is almost necessary to be able to rebuild towards maintaining an optimal state after it's over.  There's no easy fix or quick way down the path, but it's not like anyone dies during amphetamine detox anyway, so it's manageable even though it feels horrific to go through.

 

Went to the doctor, but have yet to pick up the script.  The temptation exists for the short-term fix, but know that long-term side effects always come back to bite me in the ass.  I think I'll try to go another few days.  

 

Edited by cat-nips, 28 May 2020 - 05:34 PM.

[cat-nips]

Day 9.  Physical symptoms mostly gone, but still get periods of massive fatigue during the day.  Resolve weakens as I realize the things that go unattended slowly start to effect and take over your life.  Basic things are no longer so easy to accomplish now, i.e., getting the kitchen cleaned, throwing together some meals, household chores, etc.  Energy levels remain low, productivity remains low, concentration and focus remains ok, interestingly enough.  For that, I attribute the small dosage of Deprenyl + Piracetam to be having the greatest effect.  For the fatigue and motivation, I am looking elsewhere - adrenal dysfunction, thyroid, or blood sugar issues which probably all got masked by years of amphetamine use and additionally exacerbated through the chronic sleep deprivation.  In that respect - I've slept more this last week and a half than I ever did while taking amps, at least a solid 6-8 hours per night after the detox phase was over, which made me pass out randomly for hours at a time during the day and night.  

 

Current stack:

AM: 5mg Deprenyl + 800mg Piracetam.  Iodine Protocol @ 12.5mg.

 

Lunch: Artichoke.  Ashwagandha.  Fish Oil.  Vit. D.  Alpha GPC 300mg + Piracetam 800mg.  Coffee

 

Afternoon:  Deprenyl 2.5mg.  Piracetam/Aniracetam.  Vit. C.  Green Tea.  Berberine.  

 

Evening: Magnesium.  Melatonin.

 

Considering switching out the afternoon Piracetam with Noopept, but otherwise I'm very pleasantly surprised with Piracetam's subtle but positive effects, especially since in the past, it had little or sometimes a negative effect.  I think the Deprenyl potentiates in a good way for me.  Trying to keep things relatively simple.  

 

 

Edited by cat-nips, 31 May 2020 - 02:41 PM.