hey everyone
so i may have some other underlying issues by my problems mostly started in high school after abusing a good bit of mdma and vyvanse
i would snort mdma and drink while partying on the weekends and i would also buy adderall and mostly vyvanse and take you know anywhere from 50 to 75 mg maybe 4 days a week.
i dont remember too many times where i took another and stayed up all night but im sure it happened a bit. anyway i did lots of drinking, smoking weed, and some lsd.
well i felt sick eventually after highschool and got depressed mentally. i started to lash out and break things and feel more irritable. i wasnt sad i just became anhedonic i guess. but i was still pretty normal untill a couple years later when i ate a solid
dose of mushrooms. it felt like something just switched in my brain or wasnt there anymore the next day. i felt anhedonic and out of it but it had reached a new point.
ive since taken mushrooms plenty of times and have not had that happen to me. im not sure if it switched a short circuit or something or what happened.
anyway today i still struggle. i have been sober for nearly 4-5 years. i eat well and have exercised alot regularly. i will continue to do it. but i still struggle with mood and thought problems, and
emotional numbness.
honestly it feels like i have alzhemers or some sort of disability. im not who i used to be. i have cognitive problems and my mind is different day to day. some days better than others but rarely
really good. when it happened it felt like my whole perception/mindset shifted. and so i know drugs caused these issues.
it feels as though im not as sharp, and cant keep up with others. a lack of emotion and perception and thinking things through causes me to make wrong decisions and say wrong things.
i have a hard time making up my mind, staying focused, sticking to anything, ect where as before i did not. i feel less immersed inlife than in high school
on top of that im starting to struggle with a lot of distorted thoughts due to lack of perception, and obsessive thoughts about things. many days i dont feel anything but irritability and im unrational.
alot of my thought dont feel grounded in reality. and alot of times my mood is just off.
ontop of that alot of times my mental clarity will just drop off when im talking to someone or like writing this, and i have a harder time writing things like this and communicating cognitively.
im not opposed to medication im just not sure whats actually going to help me. i dont need to feel any more emotional numbness. im so lost and dont know which way to turned
ive looked into things like lions mane or nsi 189. it also seems like psychedelics could be promising which i always felt like they made me feel better. but i have not taken anything other than large doses.
so microdosing could be helpful.
or maybe a 5ht2a antagonist from the psychiatrist. the doctor i have talked to first suggested cymbalta or effexor which are snris. im not sure how much these can do for me though with anhedonia and not normal depression though
i want to get a second opinion from a nuerologist.
i was wondering if anybody could tell what might be going on and point me in the right direction to seek help. maybe give some advice as to what type of medications could help me or
if i should start microdosing and do something like a nutritional ketosis diet.
i think it should have healed by now being 5 years sober, but maybe my brain is not able to on its own. i suppose some mental disorders just could have been brought on by using drugs. im not exactly sure what happened
but all i want is to just figure this out and get back to who i was. or atleast feel normal. i mean caffiene doesnt even affect me the same way and neither does mdma. i try to stay away from caffiene
but i crave it every day. even when i have quit for like two weeks. i guess because of the dopamine hit and feeling i get for like 10 minutes from an adrenal rush.
anyway if you read through all this thank you and any information or advice is appreciated
love spoonbill
