Zoolander Shepard and Cnorwood, they have a raw youthful exuberance Shannon. Your more of a voice of reason with a touch a wisdom.
Shannon, I found this letter I wrote to my friend Keli back in April, which captures nicely why I as an Immortalist declined your advice to go to a support group for cancer. That by the way was really sound advice that you gave me Shannon, just not for me. Most people use these support groups, but I really have no use for one.
Hi Keli,
You know, I spent some time reflecting on your letter and thinking about those times 8 years ago. It seems that there are times when we wish things would remain the same. It’s easy to look back and think that those were happier days because I think we all share a longing for those times when things in our lives seemed to be in balance and all was right with the world. But we both had problems then, different sets of problems but problems nonetheless. Life now isn’t really much different, just new set of problems to solve, life doesn’t remain frozen in time. And life sometimes tests us in expected ways.
Let me bring you up to date on what the last month is likely to be like. I will either be at the hospital for three weeks or here for the whole month. I wrote Kurt and put the decision in his hands. I’ve included a copy of that letter for you to read.
Of course those books that were given to me by the inmates, one of them was a Basic survivor’s guide to living or coping with cancer. Have it in my hands right now, the back cover says in part “…but they have more to battle against than the spread of the disease, emotional and psychological factors come into play as well, and the patient has to fight against depression, anxiety, and a host of other problems, all of which can be as devastating as the disease itself. The people profiled in this book tell how they dealt with these problems. They tell how they got over their initial shock or grief and subsequent denial. They tell how they dealt with…” blah blah. Will I read this book? Nope. Why? Because it would mostly be a waste of my time.
I was told by medical here that I had pneumonia, but after the CT scan Dr. Trich pulled me into his office to tell me that I had a tumor the size of softball. In one dizzying moment I had changed from a man with a super bad cold to a man confronting death. Yet, I was never scared, or angry, nor did I feel helpless. Never thought “Why me?” From various other books I jotted down notes, “The cancer victim may suffer fear, anger, bewilderment, guilt, depression, a sense of futility, and a loss of self-esteem.” Another note, “Cancer patients go thru the stages of grief usually associated with a death in the family.” What’s the name for that Keli? Isn’t it Kubler Ross? How do you think you would take news if your next check up the doctor told you that you had an incurable cancer and you only had 6 months to live? What do you think would be the state of your emotional health? What emotions do you think you would cycle through?
I’ve never felt shock; obviously someone in shock cannot take an active role in fighting. Denial, I have never had any problem with being realistic about my situation. I have never asked the question “Why me?” because the question is an illogical one. Many people will eventually contract some form of cancer. Most people are shaken to roots by such news, but I didn’t have the sense of imminent doom. I’m a life extender, an Immortalist. I think differently because of it. I simply thought, “Well, where do I go from here?” Some might be surprised by my calm, but I think you know that for me it is a typical reaction. You know it’s not my style to brood or get hysterical. My reaction to adversity, even cancer is, “Well, what do I do now?” “How do I fight this?”
So many roadblocks really. And the medical community both here and at Maine Medical have pretty much all written me off for as good as dead. Yeah yeah, I know Keli, I have an inoperable lung cancer that has a survival rate of one person to every 200 dead people. But all the Doctors and nurses are overlooking one critical factor, I’m an Immortalist, I am a Life extensionist and I plan on being the toughest patient cancer has come across. Let me share one of my most powerful weapons I bring to the battle.
My astonishing will to live.
Search "Marce" here, and you'll get a history about her, that was posted to the Venturists for promotion of her case.
Man I didn't get in the list of cool young blood! 
(I guess I was old when I had my first kid at 21 )
