So I finally understand what so many have said about recall of old memories. I've been taking a low-dose of NSI (5-10 mg) about 4 days a week for some of its nootropic properties on and off (sometimes for 6 months at a time) for about 2 years when I first purchased from StangeLove.
But last night I took 20 mg before bed and while laying there, the humming sound of my HEPA filter made me vividly recall a time when I was a kid, maybe 6 or so, at my cottage sleeping in one of the bunk-bed rooms in the basement, dosing off to the pleasant background hum of the air conditioning on. It was such a peaceful memory and I was stunned about how I essentially forgot about that time - that period - in my life.
This memory was less of a static image than it was a motion picture, as I was able to kind of scroll over that snapshot memory to another, and then another, all around at different areas of my cottage, e.g. a memory I had on the swing which I am STUNNED that I was able to recall. It was like as I moved around the lot in my mind's eye, memories kept coming back to me - and I'm talking long, long, long forgotten memories that never would have come to me otherwise.
Now you're probably thinking what's so great about recalling such a lame memory? That's what I sort of felt when reading others' experiences here and on redditt. But it wasn't just a lifeless snap-shot of years gone. It served a purpose - it fluidly and swiftly allowed me to kind of integrate my past childhood with who I am today, and weaving together these forgotten memories into my present reality. I felt a little saddened by it because I was shocked that a kid who had such exhilarating, adventurous, exploratory childhood experiences could be depressed as an adult. And my depression started to not make sense to me. It started to feel like an illusion. Life is actually not such a burden.
Although the idea that depression causes hippocampal atrophy has been talked about for quite some time, feeling it first-hand what it means to have a damaged aspect of the brain is a very eery feeling. I didn't realize how disconnected my memories were to my present life, how un-integrrated everything's been. I guess I thought everyone was like that, kind of living in an isolated, day-to-day durr-state without gratitude for the past. It's like my depression has been a second life, a stupor that has papered over a previous life that was once so much richer and more exciting. I don't know how I forgot that, but somewhere along the way I did.
I know that this was not placebo, because I never, ever, ever have random recall of such long-lost, specific memories. What was also weird was that I felt like I was in that bedroom as a child, hearing the AC going, the crickets outside, and a sense of excitement about the next day at the beach with all my cousins. So what I'm trying to articulate is that the memory was weaved together with emotion, which I found truly astonishing. I was actually laying in bed shocked. It was like a final swing of an ice-pick that broke the ice and allowed new neural access.
What I don't understand is why, after 2 years of on and off again NSI use, did this memory breakthrough happen NOW? Is it possible that my hippocampus was so damaged that it took a lot of regeneration just to get to the point of being able to recall long-term memories? If so, then eek, I'm worse than I thought lol.
Edited by pheanix997, 04 December 2016 - 08:23 PM.
