Hi all,
I wanted to write a little about my initial experiences with NSI-189. I've been a member of this site for about 2 years now and check the main board/new posts pretty much daily while I'm in the office M-F. It's weird to me how this massive NSI thread was sitting right under my nose for so long without me checking it out to learn more about this interesting drug. I immersed myself in this thread about a month ago and read whatever I could find on Reddit too and finally secured a gram. Quick backstory, been on SSRIs in the past (Celexa and Paxil) and benzos, all of which were prescribed for anxiety. I've had many panic attacks in my past, as well. I walk around each day with a "knot" (tension) in the middle of my chest, which I think is a physical manifestation or response to my mind/thinking patterns which are always future-thinking of the what-if or worrying sort. I'm kind of always on high alert and definitely a perfectionist. I can't say I've ever been depressed but I wouldn't say I feel a lot of happiness either, if that makes sense. My father committed suicide in 2011, and after that I went into therapy hoping to sort through his death and my own issues and concerns, as he and I are/were wired the same. I imagine his anxiety and perfectionist tendencies rubbed off on me through the years. As I was undergoing therapy, I found Zen meditation and reiki, both of which helped and still help me tremendously. These two practices have definitely made life easier for me but that underlying tension and sense of doubt/fear/edginess is still present in me and runs pretty deep. After reading all of the NSI experiences, some calling this drug "life-changing" and "like a spot of sunshine deep in the brain" I couldn't help but wonder if NSI would flip some internal switch in me, too. I can remember only a handful of times in maybe the last 20 years where I didn't feel like I was carrying around this weight or tightness: 3 times were some pretty amazing openings from Zen experiences, one time after my first reiki session, and of course a few times after my first benzo uses. I guess, to sum things up, I'm looking for a degree of "ease" or "relief" or "lightness" in how I feel and, maybe more importantly, how I think.
I started with 20 mg last Tuesday, the 31st and kept at that amount for 7 days. Since I only purchased a gram and the consensus seems to keep on it for around 30 days, I wanted to start lower and eventually ramp up, which is good practice anyway when trying some thing new, I feel. Since this Tuesday, the 7th, I've increased my dosage to 30 mg/day.
So far:
-No negative side effects. At all. No tiredness, no increased anxiety, no pins and needles in my extremities, no headaches, no changes in libido.
-I use smokeless tobacco and nicotine gum while at work, and one strange thing I notice is that while I still crave nicotine, when I put a dip in or pop a piece of gum, I feel that the effects of nicotine are severely blunted so I don't get as much of a kick from it. Then, after a few minutes of not getting any "rush" from the nicotine, I end up spitting the dip or gum out. I think I could quit nicotine much easier with NSI on my side.
-I feel more motivated. My girlfriend and I had a baby last December, so sleeping, getting to the gym, keeping up with my consistent meditation practice, pretty much all aspects of the life I used to have before the birth have gone out the window. After starting NSI, something kicked in mentally. Maybe it's subliminal in the sense that after reading a lot of posts on here encouraging exercise and meditation while on NSI, I started up again, but I don't think that's it, more like something lit the fire again.
-I've taken a lot of research chems, supplements and herbs over the years, along with a decent amount of PEDs. I've never really questioned who's making all of this stuff or of what quality is it. Yet, some mornings when I'm weighing out my NSI on the digital scale, I catch myself questioning just what the hell I'm doing taking some unapproved white powder out of this little ziplock bag from some guy I never met. I mean I shake my head at myself out of both excitement AND a little fear because, unlike say a vial of GHRP or HCG, NSI is allegedly affecting my brain. It's a little funny to me what it's come down to in an effort to find a little happiness, if anyone can relate.
-I feel a bit more sure of myself. Daily stressors and life in general has gotten just a little bit easier.
-Lastly, and most important, I find myself getting these random little insights, almost on a daily basis, insights that open up my thinking a bit. NSI is almost like meditation in powdered form. I wish I could elaborate more but I get these minor epiphanies (is any epiphany minor?) and my thinking is adjusted just a notch to "the better side" if that makes sense. I know I've just started but I'm optimistic about what the next few weeks bring as I increase the dose. I may order more once my gram supply runs out so I can see where else it takes me.
The edginess/low-grade anxiety I feel and what I think is the resulting tightness in my chest still persist. If I could get rid of that I'd be grateful. If anyone has any suggestions I'd love to hear them. But, as a meditator, part of me thinks it's "just my energy" as my Zen teacher always tells me, and that I should embrace it and smile at it. Easier said than done, right? 
Thanks for reading!
