Well, if you had ADHD-combined as a child, you don't have SCT nor ADHD-PI now. You have residual ADHD-C. SCT is a separate disorder -- you don't convert from one to the other.Yeah, I realize that Intuniv is usually marketed for hyperactivity, but my theory is that it may help people who fit the ADD category of symptoms too. The thing is, I used to be hyperactive, as a child I was very impulsive and had lots of issues with focus and controlling myself. However, my parents and teachers stamped that out with discipline (and of course maturing with age). I wonder however if the underlying issues that caused my hyperactivity as a child are still present, but manifest themselves differently due to behavioral conditioning. Like, perhaps the constant punishment I received as a child for my impulsiveness (understandably too, since I did some stupid shit without thinking about it, like pushing people off of a stage as a joke, yeah, I know, WTF child-self :P) simply placed mental blocks in my head causing me to constantly think about everything I do before I do it, and hence from the surface it appears that motivation is my only issue.
It's common for executive dysfunction to remain as the only symptom set in adulthood, with improvements in overt hyperactivity, impulsivity, and in some cases, attention control. This is because some of the skills that were developmentally delayed by childhood executive dysfunction are just that -- delayed. Not impossible. You learned to control your attention just like normal people do, but it took you longer because you had a learning disability in the realm of self-control. However, the core executive dysfunction that lies at the heart of ADHD-C still remains, and can still interfere with self-regulation, especially when motivation is not intrinsically very strong.
Conditioning kids with ADHD to "act right" is necessary, but not entirely without drawbacks. While you found it easier and easier to control yourself as you matured, and your delayed PFC gradually caught up with those of your peers, there was a period of time before that maturation where you simply couldn't control yourself enough to keep the punishments from happening.The thing is, I think that the approach my parents and teachers took fixed the symptoms of hyperactivity, that is, they conditioned me to overthink my actions, which has had positive and negative effects. On one hand, I'm now a very careful, thoughtful person; I analyze my thoughts and feelings and hence tend to be very self-aware. However, on the other hand, I overthink social interactions and tend to feel awkward interacting with new people/giving presentations, since I obsess over what people are thinking about what I'm doing (i.e "Am I acting weird, do they notice, are they bored, etc, etc").
According to decades of behavioral research, the results of uncontrollable punishment are chronic anxiety and tension, and/or learned helplessness. Most of the anxiety-related disorders are very highly comorbid with ADHD, from OCD to Panic Disorder to PTSD, and especially Generalized Anxiety and Social Anxiety. Depressive symptoms, whether clinical or not, are also highly comorbid.
Way more than half of ADD/ADHD adults deal with at least some anxiety/depression because of how fucked up their conditioning was -- we were all expected to act much older than our brains knew how to, and it usually leaves some problems with socializing, motivation, and task completion. These problems continue throughout adulthood until specifically addressed with counter-conditioning. Drugs alone won't do the trick -- you need to finish learning the social skills and self-regulation skills that were delayed.
For example, you described difficulty with emotion/thought-regulation: not knowing how to stop yourself from overanalyzing things to the point of upsetting and distracting yourself. More specifically, you described overanalyzing social interactions while (and probably before and after) they happen. You'll need to practice interacting more spontaneously, trusting your adult mental filter to catch inappropriate statements even though your childhood mental filter did not. Trust me, nobody with social anxiety ever becomes obnoxiously confident -- your problem nowadays is a filter that's too strong, even though you learned as a child that your problem was a lack of filter. The distraction and discomfort you experience when interacting with people, and perhaps some other skill deficits, are the only obstacles to enjoying other people.
All of this is skill-deficit in self-regulation, caused by the executive function disorder at the core of ADHD. That's the underlying PFC disorder you mention -- there are things normal brains automatically do to keep themselves running smooth, that ADHD brains don't automatically do. So you need to learn both the normal emotion- and behavior-control skills that were delayed, and additional coping mechanisms to deal with the ongoing executive dysfunction.Perhaps the underlying issue has always been hyperactivity; some sort of dysfunction in my Prefrontal-Cortex, the symptoms of which have simply changed over the years. On the surface, it appears that motivation is my sole problem, or more accurately, my anticipatory anhedonia (capable of feeling pleasure in the short-term such as watching a movie, but difficulty feeling pleasure with delayed-rewards, such as developing hobbies). However, I wonder if my problem is not anhedonia in the classical sense (as a result of low dopamine/expedited reuptake), but more to do with my ability to regulate and sustain my attention on tasks that don't necessarily provide constant positive feedback, such as learning to play an instrument. My theory is that a dysfunctional PFC (as a result of various causes, such as insufficient blood flow, elevated cAMP causing HCN flooding, excitotoxicity, etc) could possibly impair one's ability to feel a constant flow of sustained interest in a low-stimulus activity. You see, I fit most of the symptoms of classical ADHD (not ADD), with the exception of not having difficulty controlling my attention, at least in the usual sense. I can focus just fine when I want to, however, I have a lot of difficulty voluntarily initiating and pursuing long-term low-stimuli activities, such as learning a skill, even when I have a personal interest in the skill. I lack the feeling of joy when learning that other people feel. I like the results, but the task itself is difficult and I feel little satisfaction while doing it. I've also begun to notice an issue where I seem easily stressed, and when I become even a little stressed, my cognitive ability goes out the window. This part is the most interesting to me; stress seems to just "switch off" some aspect of my cognition. I've heard of issues with stress breaking ADHDer's focus, but for me, I can still focus when stressed, but it's like information enters my mind and immidietly trickles out. When I become frustrated when learning, I get caught in a loop of just re-reading the information I'm trying to understand, over and over again, but it doesn't sink in.
You'll have to find ways to consciously do what other people's brains do unconsciously. That's the challenge of adult ADD/ADHD.
Understandably and unavoidably simplified -- a full discussion of amygdalar function would require a textbook, half of which will be found incorrect over the next 50 years.During my research in regards to ADHD's neuropathology, I've come to understand that the amygdala handles emotional integration of experiences (i.e fear, pleasure, aggression) and that it's function can be summarized as primarily handling quick responses to urgent situations, such as freezing when confronted with something terrifying.
As pop psychology calls it, "amygdala-hijack": those moments when emotion takes over and reasonable thinking temporarily flies out the window. Later, when calm, you may go "WTF? How did it make any sense for me to do that?!"Essentially, during acute stress, the amygdala overrides the Prefrontal-Cortex (which has more to do with slow, rational thinking) and produces immediate responses to stressful situations.
More like "is completely incapable of rational thought" because amygdala-hijack is expressly designed to prevent such a slow process from delaying action during a life-or-death emergency, and to prevent historically valuable instinctual responses from being overridden by semi-rational thought. For most of our history, we didn't have the great rational minds we have today, and our amygdalas act like we still don't have them.A dysfunction in this balance between the amygdala and the PFC seems to explain much of my issues. The amygdala is not well-suited to handle a rational process such as learning abstract concepts.
It may not have a strongly felt "fear" component of what many people call anxiety, but it's still a hyperaroused fight-or-flight response triggered by the perception of possible danger. Behaviorally, it's a classic fear response; whether or not you subjectively feel afraid. Subjective feelings are partly dictated by social standards; we aren't supposed to be afraid of something so "simple" as talking to people!And an overactive response to stress from the amygdala could explain my coinciding social issues. When I'm socializing with people, I sometimes get a sort of "tunnel vision" sensation; almost like dissociation, but yet I still feel connected to reality. After the situation is over, my memories of my time spent socializing are faded; not gone, I still remember everything that happened, but they feel faded, nowhere near as vivid as much of the rest of my memories. Also, during this time I tend to fail to absorb facts while talking with the person, so though I'm not suffering from full-blown amnesia, I may forget much of what we talked about. It's very odd, since I wouldn't call it anxiety exactly, more like tension.
In most stimulant-responders, the only reason the stimulants work is by enhancing PFC function. If they don't improve your executive functions, they won't help. However, Intiniv works to improve PFC function in a different way from stimulants; it improves signal-to-noise ratio by making it easier to tune out weak signals and crank the volume up on strong signals. Subjectively, it makes known irrelevant things fade farther into the background, and it makes known important things stand out more. But accurate dosing is crucial -- mess with the PFC too much, and your skill boosts disappear. The same problem happens with stimulant overdosage: overshoot the sweet spot, and the improvements are lost.Anyways, to make a long story short, I have a hunch that my PFC may be the root of my problem, not simply depressed levels of dopamine. This would explain why Adderall/Ritalin failed to produce much of a response in me (most people talk of Adderall being the holy grail of motivation, almost to the point of euphoria. It didn't seem to have any affect on my ADD/ADHD at all), why Caffeine makes my problems worse (Caffeine raises cAMP, which at pathological levels can impede PFC connection to the rest of the brain by opening hyperpolarization-activated cyclic nucleotide-gated channels, which can effectively disconnect the PFC which excessively stimulated). I'm willing to at least give Intuniv a try, at worst, it will make me sleepy. It does have positive long-term effects that may be worth the temporary sleepiness, as by lowering levels of cAMP in the PFC, it allows for stronger synaptic connections to be formed, possibly yielding better working memory, alleviating anxiety relating to the Amygdala-PFC, etc.
When guanfacine is used as a behavior-controlling drug, at doses high enough to depress norepinephrine levels throughout the whole brain, it no longer improves attention. That's because the PFC itself becomes sedated, and thus can't do its job of controlling things.
Cool. Is that Ritalin a sustained-release formulation? The half-life is only 2-4 hours if you're a normal metabolizer. Fast-metabolizers like me run a half-life somewhere closer to 1-2 hours. The point is, you need to either take sustained release, or you need to microdose throughout the day. Otherwise, your dopamine levels will fluctuate wildly, interfering with self-regulation. Like I always tell bipolar people, you have to get stable before you can develop good coping skills! It applies equally to people with ADHD whose improper dosing schedules destabilize their dopamine levels.Also, here's an update in regards to my supplements: I've been taking 250 mg Uridine (UMP) twice a day with 3g flax oil twice a day (switching to fish oil when I run out of flax oil) with 1.5 g yeast 3x a day for the B-Vitamins (with an additional B12 supplement once a day). I have probably noticed the most subtle, but worthwhile results from my usage of that stack. It modulates dopamine activity rather than stimulating it, which is what seems to be happening with me. I've noticed less fluctuations in my motivation, and while I still have motivation issues, I find that rather than having spikes here and there, I seem to have more frequent and longer feelings of motivation, but of lesser intensity, which is what I prefer. I tried Sulbutiamine (first 600mg, then 800 mg), and noticed nothing spectacular (took with fat and without just to see). The odd thing about this supplement is that people here universally recommend taking it as a "once in a while" kind of supplement", yet most of the studies I've seen seem to say that it actually lowers dopamine release, which in the long-term upregulation of receptors (especially D1 receptors, which are the holy grail of long-term salience, but unfortunately, sulbutiamine downregulates kainate receptors which seems to have consequences on memory). So for Sulbutiamine to work, the studies seem to indicate it's actually for long-term use so re-sensitize the dopinamergic system, and is not in fact beneficial in the short term. I wonder if the reason people seem to have remarkably fast "tolerance" to Sulbutiamine's effects is that the "effects" they felt were just placebo induced by the substance's hype. I don't see how a drug that reduces/modulates dopamine could have noticably positive short-term effects. I plan to try taking it for two weeks and then trying a double dose of ritalin against my newly upregulated receptors to see what happens.
Speaking of ritalin/ADHD meds, I've stopped taking Adderall, and have replaced my morning dose with 10 mg Ritalin instead. Amphetamines seem to build tolerance too rapidly, and of course there's the excitotoxic effects (though I was taking a fairly small dose). I plan to take it on occasion when I need a focus boost, rather than daily. Just a warning to Adderall users, even at my rather conservative dose of 20mg XR (which is roughly 10 mg active at any given time), I've noticed depressive withdrawal symptoms. Definetly manageable, but I've noticed that today and yesterday I just had a tendency to feel gloomy and tired, which suspiciously arose the same day I stopped taking it. Adderall is thought to possibly indirectly affect Seratonin a little, so I'd definitely watch out for depressive symptoms when withdrawing, just keep in mind they'll probably fade.
P.S. I think this post just won NaNoWriMo.
Edited by jadamgo, 07 February 2013 - 06:14 AM.