I posted in the other thread in the Brain Health section that the supplier wants a minimum order of 1g, since it's a custom synthesis, which would mean 30+ buyers.
After summoning immense courage, I asked my GP about buprenorphine today and walked away with a Cymbalta starter pack (even though noradrenergics wreak havoc with me) and a reassurance about all the mood stabilizers I've yet to try.
I'm finding it hard draw the line between a healthy desire for humane treatment and feelings of entitlement, I guess. Is chasing something that will relieve anxiety and anhedonia, even at immense costs/frustration etc., ultimately unproductive and self-entitled? I know I could possibly have some marginal quality-of-life with by-the-book treatment (e.g. Neurontin relieved my anxiety, at the expense of complete brain-fog/dissociation), but as I get older, I find it hard to settle for half-measures anymore. I can't spend any more time feeling braindead, asocial etc. and getting nowhere in life. At this point, I'm considering either faking an addiction or sourcing buprenorphine on the streets to see if the kappa-antagonist route will be helpful.
Maybe this is a discussion for another topic, but it's something I wrestled with a lot this evening, particularly after my GP said (in the 'nicest' way possible) I'm manipulative, narcissistic and need to know my place. I've always been ambitious, had a rogue/non-conformist streak and sought a recovery regime that will enable me, not just numb me.
Edited by lucky.pierre, 14 November 2013 - 01:52 PM.