67 replies to this topic

[abcmanomandriepunt1]

just 25 miligram of the cardiovasular brand from iherb. It's discontinued now so I have to get another source

 

I'm now waiting on piracetam and sarcosine, my last two experiments for a while, after that I'm gonna focus on my CFS, since I basicly won't last much longer while being this sick. I think I only have about 5 more years if i'm this sick. I already have prednisone at home.

 

When I get better i decided to change my life drastically. I was always focussing on friends and the outside world. My illness turned me more into an individualist, and i only need a woman and a job, that's it. Partying 3 times a week, hanging out with friends every day, caring too much about what other people think of me, made me depressed and burn out in the end.

Edited by tylerdurden, 08 July 2014 - 04:52 PM.

[Aurel]

quite a low dose. i hope everything works out for you from now on. keep us informed.

[AlmostEasy]

You sure sound a lot like me.  The better I get the less I care about achievements, I was an extremely emotional person (not in a childlike way I just felt things very deeply; music, relationships etc).  Well it's not that I don't care about them but I'm not controlled by them and I'm alright with getting there when I get there (as in getting through this massive list of books that I'd like to steadily digest, I have a lot of subjects I want to investigate in depth).

 

Glad to see you're back!  I've been trying to get back into this thread for a while to check out some of your posts but was unable to until now!

 

I'm still doing well with Modafinil, Lion's Mane, and Ashwagandha.  I'll definitely be looking into your PQQ/Q10/Uridine stack (things I haven't tried).  I've some Reishi from MushroomHarvest and Cebria (Cerebrolysin "in pill form") on the way too.  You may want to check this post out as well.  I just got some of it in the mail and am going to take my first dose in a bit here.  I'm not sure if you've tried healing through your gut at all but it's definitely an avenue worth checking out and one I'm currently working on, it worked very well for YoungSchizo.

 

I'm experimenting with Piracetam at the moment as well but I may be a non-responder.  Have you experimented with any other racetams other than Piracetam?  I'm going to end up trying Aniracetam and Oxiracetam at some point as well.

 

You should keep this thread open man, there's a lot of great anecdotal information in it!

[AlmostEasy]

Also do check out this and this.  This was one of the first things I tried to treat myself for and just remembered it after reading your posts.  Although it wasn't the solution to my problem, it appeared to be a unique approach to CFS and many people had a profound recovery from it.

[abcmanomandriepunt1]

I still love the world around me, but I no longer need the aproval, love, or comfirmation. I don't want every relationship to be perfect anymore, cause that really cost me a lot of energy. When I hang out with friends with this mindset, I can just enjoy watching the world championship of football with them, and not have that preoccupation that I need everybody's love. I read a lot about albert camus, and a combination of Camus, ego death and indivualism, are my life's philosophy :D.

 

I would really look into uridine. Uridine works also great for other mental disorders and a lot of disorders have two things in common : Dopamine dyregulation and HPA axis dysfunction. I feel Uridine normalizes both, especially the HPA axis dysfunction. For me it works better then any adaptogen. With adaptogens i have the idea they keep your cortisol in balance but that the cortisol already flows. Uridine stops the cortisol from flowing and turns off the lever in the brain.

 

I made this thread unavailable for a while because of I realised everybody around me can find out i'm a bit schizophrenic, but well, i don't care anymore. I already told all my friends and my family. My family thinks I just suffer from CFS, and depression, but when I tell them I'm a bit schizo they say : No way. I said I had a couple of bordeline psychosis while I was very depressed and very sick, to the point of dying, 1.5 years ago, but they didn't even notice it.

 

I never tried Racetams but I read some good things about racetams and emotions getting back, so I wanna give it a shot. I also might try pregnonelone or how its called.

 

I already checked the methylation protocols. I already tried many things for my CFS, but it feels like it's different from many people at the CFS forums. I  basicly feel every day like i'm dying, but I can still manage with medicines and supplements to be more productive then I ever was. I can force myself into anything, but I already feel like i'm forcing myself when Im lying down. Every supplement I try for CFS, or every protocol, just makes my mental fatigue less, but physically I still feel like dying. I can walk two miles, without it doing any harm, but i still feel like i'm dying. I used to be too weak to stand on my legs for months, so I made some progress, i think I was really not far away from dying. I fellt like an wounded animal wanting to retreat somewhere quiet to lie down and die. I now just have no idea what's wrong with me, it's unlike me, cause I usually always find some theory about what's going on. I'm going to be thoroughly tested for the second time at the hospital in a month and I hope they find something, if they don't, I'm gonna give prednisone a try.

 

Good to see that you're also doing better. I really met some nice people on this forum, it's great to get support . After uridine I decided to continue my journey to get completely in touch with my emotions again. I thought about killing myself, because I fellt completely broken. But I know one day I'll be whole again. I'm strong and resiliant. I think I'm processing things and completely realise everything, and I think that's a good thing.

 

I used to feel very deeply too. I was quit mature in an emotional way at the end of my 19th, and became more childish when I lost my emotions. All i wanted after I got sick was attention from others, like a psychopath.

 

I don't believe in fixing my problems with the gut, my gut health is fine. And I don't want to take too many supplements. I already take 8 or 9. I'm very curious about your experience with cerebrolysin though. I had a dream that I used it haha. Let me know when you''ve tried it.

 

Edited by tylerdurden, 09 July 2014 - 10:58 AM.

[abcmanomandriepunt1]

Okay I gave 5 miligram of prednisone a change. I've been disabled and dysfunctional with illness for 2.5 years, and if I keep listening to dutch docters in traditional medicine I'll probably be dysfunctional and disabled for the rest of my life.

 

The result was unexpected. I thought it would clear up my CFS, but it didn't. It makes it more tollerable though. i feel like i don't have to force myself into everything. Like i had to force myself to get up, but now it feels like something in me is kickstarted again and i no longer have to force myself into everything.

 

I feel 5 miligram is already enough, since i get a lot of energy from it.

 

I wake up feeling refreshed and not tired for the first time since my puberty. I can talk and keep talking, without it costing me any energy. My ability to conversate with people is back where it was, at a high level.  I feel less depressed, more motivated, more like myself, more relaxed and soft and warm, and less broken.

 

The most important thing, why i decided to keep taking this drug is that i can feel emotions again. it was highly unexpected, but i'm sure of it. i lost my ability to feel emotions 3.5 years ago, but I'm pretty sure it's back now. Like a very complex mechanism is getting back again. It was totally unexpected, but it's fucking awesome.

 

I'm alive. that's how i feel on this drug.

 

So, I had adrenal fatigue, and it's very real. I didn't have hypocortisolima or addisons, but it's something different. I don't recommend trying prednisone for everybody, but well, if you've read my thread you know i've been through a lot and was in a tough spot.

 

 

 

[abcmanomandriepunt1]

My mental problems are getting less after the prednisone. I can see and feel reality again. I've got the idea that the derealization/depersonalization is clearing up. If this continues i think it might actually dissapear. 

 

It's quite unexpected and i feel like a guinea pig. I thought my CFS was caused by low cortisol, but prednisone does more for my mental problems.

 

besides the facts on dopamine, adrenaline, and cortisol, and the HPA axis as a whole, it might also work on inflammation in my brain.

 

however. It's awesome. I no longer think of kiling myself but want to live again!

[abcmanomandriepunt1]

okay i walked to a city nearby and do think i feel more like myself and alive, but that derealization isn't getting better from prednisone. too bad.

[Michael Rian]

okay i walked to a city nearby and do think i feel more like myself and alive, but that derealization isn't getting better from prednisone. too bad.

 

thank you for continuing the updates, I hope I speak for others and myself when I say this thread is very helpful and informative.  Thank you and best of luck with the next approaches.
 

[abcmanomandriepunt1]

I decided to quit taking prednisone for a while. I'm gonna get tested all over again in aprox 1 month time, and if docters again don't find anything then i'm gonna continue taking it. If i keep taking the prednisone it makes it difficult to determine what's going on with me.

 

The 3 day Prednisone trial gave me hope that i still have some time left in me in feeling alive and to feel emotions. That's all i needed, now i can keep going for a while again.

 

I'm gonna try the methylation programms as well once again for my CFS. I don't really have high hopes for it, but still i'm gonna try it.

 

Im a bit affraid there's no cure for my CFS. I have it for so long now, and it doens't change a bit, so it feels inimaginable for me to think there's a cure. I just can't imagine it that there's a way out. There are ways to still enjoy life with it though.

 

i'll be updating again.

[abcmanomandriepunt1]

Brain damage

 

I see a lot of people, including myself, fear brain damage. I do probably suffer from some brain damage, and have a bit memory problems. However, I'm far from a lost case. I still can produce great work, and some parts of me are even functioning better then ever before. It's not like half of my brain is gone,  the cognitive decline isn't even that noticable. I have been through a lot. Intense anxiety, excessive stress from burn out and extreme depression for 3 years, to the point of bed ridden for months with non stop crying, a lot of psychotic symptoms, 3 drug induced psychosis, and on top of that i was a huge social drinker, 3 times a week drunk. On top of that I suffer now from CFS, and mild schizophrenia and depersonalization/derealization.

 

So, if I look at what I've produced in the past couple of months, after starting lion's mane and the PQQ+q10+ alcar and after that the uridine, I can conclude i still have so much in me, and that my brain is still functioning really well.

 

I think brain damage is a little bit exaggerated in this forum. I think many people attribute things to brain damage while it's infact an malfunctioning brain, and that the potential to still function good is still there.

 

So keep your hopes high. Brain damage sounds fatalistic, while in fact there are probably more reasons to be optimistic.

 

 

 

[abcmanomandriepunt1]

I upped my dose of uridine to 50 miligram since I noticed a little bit hypomania. It's the lion's mane what's causing it, still love the lion's mane though. This is my current stack, I can't say there's a key element in it, cause they are almost all  key elements :

 

Lion's mane    6 gram

Alcar               1 gram

Kelp                150 mcg

MCT oil            2 tbsp

Uridine             50 mg

coffee               3 cups

pqq                  10 mg

Q10                 100 mg

Green tea decaf 1 gram

NAC                   2.4 gram

 

meds :

zyprexa 2.5 mg

citalopram 40mg

 

 

trying  :

sarcosine

piracetam

 

 

 

Edited by tylerdurden, 15 July 2014 - 12:04 PM.

[abcmanomandriepunt1]

50 mg tau uridine made me too focused, emotionally more dull, and gives me the feeling my head is stuffed with cotton.

 

I feel like a sniper. I lay my focus on my laptop and can't get my focus off it. Then after hard trying i focus on something else and then again it's difficult to get my focus off it. 

 

While typing this i almost had a panic attack, but that's might because i got a little bit pannicky because of the overstimulating effect, or because of the overstimulation. Well, i'll be eating my daily .broccoli now and listen to some trip hop. 

[AlmostEasy]

I've been doing a bit of research on Uridine and find that a lot of people experience tolerance.

 

Example #1

Spoiler

http://www.longecity...ine-dha/page-29

 

Is it ok to take TAU with memantine?

I have found that memantine potentiates the uridine. I think it reverses the tolerance or "resets" the uridine. I need to take much less uridine the next day after I take the memantine, because I experience hypertension-like effects (feels like too much stimulation). My intake of memantine is quite low (about 1mg every 4 days or so). If I take too much, I become a total doofus.

Also, to respond to other posts concerning the time of day to take the uridine, I take my uridine / DHA / ALCAR / Vitamin E stack in the morning before work.

 

Example #2

Spoiler

http://www.longecity...ine-dha/page-87

 

I'm quoting myself from another thread I just starting, realizing that it instead belongs in this thread:

 

I get really positive effects from uridine (both TAU and UMP), but get quickly tolerant at least to the subjective effects. The first day is great, and second day pretty nice, but the third day and after I don't really notice a difference. Despite, the tolerance, I tried taking it for several weeks to see what would happen, but still nothing significant occurs and I end up feeling that this supplement is only good for me to take once-in-awhile as a treat, counter to the regime approach that it's usually used as. Does anybody else get tolerance to uridine? Is there a way to counteract this tolerance?

 

same here, I do not really think there is a way to counteract the tolerance that Uridine gives you. It releases a good amount of dopamine at first and you get a good feeling, but there is a ceiling of how much dopamine is getting released and every day you get a lower and lower amount towards homeostasis. Even if you over time you are above baseline you do not pay attention to it, as the sudden unusual increase in dopamine release is what gives the subjective feeling that something is going good right now. Do you get any side effects with continual use or larger doses?

 

Perhaps taking too much because of tolerance increases its function again but also increases the stimulation, perhaps cycling it would help; or trying out the memantine thing.

Spoiler

http://www.longecity...ine-dha/page-29

 

That's hard to say. It seems like there are some people that really respond to memantine (e.g., confidence, clear head, etc.) and others that get just the opposite effects from memantine. I am one of the latter. I get tremendous brain fog, impaired cognitive function and disassociation with memantine. It does, however, have a place in my stack since it resets tolerance to some of my other supplements. To me it is sort of like a necessary evil. I endure many hours of brain fog in order to get back the positive effects of my other supplements for 3-4 days.

It seems like there are two camps on the memantine. Those who respond really well and those who respond negatively. Since you and I are in different camps, I don't know if it makes sense for me to offer advice. All I can say is that for me uridine started working immediately and is the best addition to my stack in two years (after piracetam). I have been able to totally stop taking heavy 5Htp and light rasagaline due to the uridine. I am currently eyeing other supplements that I may be able to jettison also (piracetam??). Hopefully, you'll be able to find a way to make uridine work for you.

I've read in other forums that memantine requires an adaptation period before all the brain fog goes away. Memantine antagonizes the NMDA receptors which causes brainfog but then the NMDA receptors upregulate/sensitize or something like that and then mental cognition is supposed to actually enhance. Search through mind & muscle forums for a lot more specific info. I don't know if this also is of any relevance but when a lot of the mind & muscle forum users were posting on using memantine with amphetamine (for tolerance prevention), they said that during the adaptation phase amphetamine was pretty useless and didn't work, so maybe after the adaptation phase you could keep taking memantine for reset of tolerance for your supplements while still keeping taking them. Hope this helped.

Btw, adaptation phase for memantine in most users was about 1 week using 10 or 20mg and then the brain fog went away after that. You also have to use it consistantly, like everyday or else your NMDA receptors won't adapt.

[abcmanomandriepunt1]

My depersonalization is worse since the higher dosage of the uridine. The symptoms i experienced yesterday were familiar to me and they resemble too high Serotonin. I had it one time after I probably got drugged with MDMA, and after one cup of st john's wort. I read about many people get it when taking too much serotonin. Like when upping a dosage of antidepressant. I suspected it for a while, but now i'm pretty sure uridine has a strong serotonerg functioning.  When taking too much serotonin i always notice going into fight or flight modus and that I get symptoms of anxiety. I think I'll survive it however, i had a good, healthy night of sleep and don't feel really anxious or panicky anymore. I had worse .

 

 

So, I really have to watch out with supplements. I'm gonna focus on my novels (i'm writing a sextology!) again and stick with my current stack for a while. I still love the 25 mg uridine. It's a bit risky, but well, it gives me so much benefit. I don't want to experiment too much in one time. i'll be back in a couple of months, with test results from docters.  

 

@ almosteasy good luck with cerebrolysin and uridine. 

 

And don't rush, but take it easy, and remember the golden rule of experimenting in turn to get better :

 

'it can always get worse.'

Edited by tylerdurden, 16 July 2014 - 10:21 AM.

[abcmanomandriepunt1]

I still have the cotton wool in my head, and it's quite a annoying symptom. Everything is percieved through the cotton wool again, while i was just really in touch with the world again. It sucks, I relapsed a bit. Today i didn't suffer from anxiety or panic anymore and still was very productive. I tried to ignore it and will keep doing that. 

[abcmanomandriepunt1]

I find this experimenting too dangerous. I relapsed again. 

 

i'll be gone from this forum. Good luck users. Experimenting is not suited for my sensitive brain.

 

I'm gonna wait till my brain recovered from taking too much uridine. It triggered worse DP/DR, anxiety, panic and brain fog. It's not a psychological reaction, i'm too busy with not caring about living or dieing to have anxiety. I realised it might also be a reaction to too much choline. So it's either too much serotonin, cause i took it with a SSRI, or too much choline. 

 

Then I'm gonna take the stack i was taking before i relapsed, wait for trials for medicines to cure CFS, cause they are comming, and keep writing in the meantime. If my CFS is fixed i'm gonna try antiepileptics to fix my chronic trip feelings. 

 

NAC - low dose uridine - and lion's mane  gave me my life back before i relapsed. I think uridine is quite dangerous cause it's function is not completely known, but also the most effective drug for psychiatric disorders. It has been used by amy yasko for autism, and i believe it also is great for many others. It stops impulsive behaviour, it gives you control back over yourself. It's great for addicts and give you the feeling when you look back at your addiction :

 

'that there, that's not me.' 

 

now i'm definitely gone. Bye.

 

I'll keep the thread open. 

[abcmanomandriepunt1]

Okay. I reacted out of frustration, but I now am back. More precautious than ever. Uridine messed me up big time. Seriously, the most messed up reaction i ever had to any drug, supplement or medicine. And that while drugs probably caused my schizophrenia. First it did me a lot of good, but after upping my dosage, things went really bad. I would watch out combinding it with SSRI's or supplements that affect the neurotransmitters. Uridine also messes with the HPA axis, choline, etc..and looking at similar reactions people had so phosphatidylcholine and seriphos, I consider that playing an option in what's the cause of my bad reaction.

 

I currently suspect my glutamate is way too high and my gaba is too low. I also have symptoms of low NMDA, which is kinda confusing. So i'm gonna sit it out, besides one trial that might improve NMDA functioning ánd high glutamate. NAC + adding Glycine. I just want the cotton head feeling gone and to be able to write again. Zyprexa already gave me some improvent. I upped my dosage from 2.5 to 5. It's absolutely my life safer. 7.5 mg made me depressed and a zombie, with terrible cognition, just terrible over all, but 5mg kills my depression and makes me feel more like myself. It restores my cognitive function, stops hypomania, and makes me feel pretty great. I really dig a low dosage of the drug. I would give low dosage zyprexa a try,almosteasy. It might also work well for me because i'm physically very ill, and zyprexa is known to improve cognition in physically ill people.

 

I already took my first dosage Glycine today and feel better, more connected in a way. I actually feel way better after taking glycine. It's still too early to tell though. I'll update on how it works, and if it doens't work i'm just gonna sit it out.

 

I'm pretty impressed by the Glycine + NAC combo. I feel it works as a natural benzo.

Edited by tylerdurden, 25 July 2014 - 11:23 AM.

[abcmanomandriepunt1]

It's hard to accept. But i'll probably have ME/CFS for the rest for my life. I thought cortisol would be my magical cure, but it isn't. I really don't see any other theory that might work. I've seen so many, but none really appeals to me as something that might work for me. 

 

I still suffer from the uridine, and will keep taking 5 miligram zyprexa for a while to get my neurotransmitters back in balance. Then I will get back to 2.5 miligram and induce hypomania with the lions mane, ALCAR, green tea, coffee and PQQ. I want to get back to where i was before i started uridine. I'm no longer trying to get myself back, or to get better, but i'm gonna try to finish my six novels i've planned. That's gonna be my goal. If my ME/CFS is fixed, i'm gonna strive to get better mentally. But untill then the best case scenario is for me to feel hypomanic. When i'm hypomanic i don't feel confronted with the fact that i'm so sick. It's kinda like a escape from my suffering. And it gives me the opportunity to be very productive and create a lot of good stuff. I don't fear getting mania since i'm always in control. I don't fear a depressive rebound, since upping my dosage of zyprexa to 5 miligram from 2.5, always kills my depression in a couple of days. 

 

This is gonna be my definite stack in turn to get my six novels finished : 

 

 

lions mane 7G

ALCAR 1 G

NAC   2.4 G  

green tea extract 1.5 G 

pqq              10 mg

coffee          3 cups

kelp  150mcg

ALA 600 MG

Selenium  200 mcg

Zinc balance (15 mg zinc.  0.5 mg copper)

Vitamin C  1G   

sarcosine 1G    

oxaloacetate  100 mg

MCT oil            2 tbsp

glutathione     500 mg

tocotrienol       

q10              100 mg

rosemary     1g

dark chocolat  50 mg

 

 

 

meds 

citalopram 40 mg

zyprexa      first 5 till psychotic symptoms diminsh, then 2.5

Prednisone 5 miligram.  

[Adaptogen]

have you attempted to build up your exercise tolerance, slightly increasing intensity every day? i don't mean anything like running or weightlifting...just standing for a little longer each day. going on scenic walks, that gradually get longer or brisker? from my experience, fatigue is a vicious cycle, and inactivity can be the most detrimental factor of all. creatine might also be something worth adding to your stack

Edited by Adaptogen, 27 July 2014 - 07:49 AM.

[abcmanomandriepunt1]

I tried to build up activity very slowly. I actually got out of a bedridden position, to being able to walk 1 mile a day. It did make me less weak and give me more strenght. At the same time many psychiatric symptoms i had dissapeared.

 

Still the same feeling of sickness remained. It's like something is broken in my body. It never leaves me, is always present, and doesn't change a bit. It's hard to explain.

 

However, it's good you mentioned it. Sometimes i give in too much to feeling sick, and dont take my 'daily walk', which is really something i need else i become very weak again. At the moment I still can walk a kilometer a day, bicycle short distances, and will keep doing that every day. I really have to force myself into everything I do, but I don't get crashes when I force myself, unless i force myself really, really hard.

[abcmanomandriepunt1]

@Adaptogen, 

 

I still have creatine, did you recommend it for the CFS or mental problems?

[abcmanomandriepunt1]

Sarcosine.

 

I decided to give it a go since I accepted the fact that i'm a bit schizophrenic. I already called myself schizo, but not really believed it, until i relapsed again and realise i do have some psychotic symptoms.  I suffer more from dissociation then schizophrenia, but still there's probably a lot of overlap.

 

I reacted positively to DMG 1 year ago, i tought it was because of the methylation, but it was probably the sarcosine/glycine. I noticed the same thing with glycine a week ago. I then found glycine too inhibitory and i didn't really like it. Then i tried sarcosine.

 

I really dig the sarcosine. It's my final trial for a while, after this i'm gonna take a long break and probably am done with experimenting with supplements. 

 

I'll post my observations after a week or so.

[abcmanomandriepunt1]

Effects of sarcosine on me : 

 

- perception is more colourful. 

- I'm still a bit confused about this one. But it's like i can feel my emotions more instead of noticing their presence. Like i'm experiencing them more. It's less intense then years ago.

- i'm more interested in other people and my commucation is not all about myself but also about othIters. 

- I feel more connected. More inside my body, and more like things in my environment fall into place. 

- Old memories come back to the surface.

- More focused on one point. more clear and awake. It's a bit stimulating. 

 

I upped my dosage to 5 mg zyprexa. It makes me feel less depressed, more normal, and more like myself. It keeps me with two feet on the ground and i have less negative symptoms on it. It makes me especially more motivated. I want stuff when i'm on 5 mg zyprexa. Not only food, but just watch movies, or work on my novels. And i can enjoy things more. I really just in general enjoy life more on 5 mg. 

 

I also upped my dosage of lions mane to 10 gram. it's a high dosage, but it really makes me feel good. It works synergistic with zyprexa and cancels out some negative sides. Lions mane boosts my self confidence. I dare to flirt with girls. lions mane also really feels like a right brain enhancer, while sarcosine feels more like a prefrontal cortex enhancer, and uridine fellt more like a left brain enhancer. All very speculative though. 

 

I also really dig Alcar. I infact like everything about my current stack and it works synergistic for me. 

 

PQQ, 3 cups of coffee, 1500 mg decaf green tea, ALCAR, NAC, sarcosine, and lions mane are an awesome combination.  Combined with zyprexa its my personal perfect stack.

 

PQQ prevents my dips from caffeine and makes the things i take feel more like they are accumulating during the day. Like the dopamine builds up instead of just one up and then quick thereafter a down.  

 

@Almosteasy i think you should give PQQ a try.

 

[abcmanomandriepunt1]

I feel much more connected to humanity and life after sarcosine. I thought for such a long time i suffered glutamate excitotoxicity and still believe i do, but somehow i also have hypo NMDA. I read something about sarcosine also decreasing excitotoxicity, maybe that's true? There are schizo's out there who react really good to AED's. 

 

Well i would give it a try when one is suffering from dissociation, especially drug induced dissociation. 

Edited by tylerdurden, 31 July 2014 - 04:11 PM.

[abcmanomandriepunt1]

YES. I'm 100% certain. I CAN FEEL AGAIN.

 

It's the sarcosine. When I listen to music, i feel it again. I had emotions, but couldn't feel them. It's like comming to life a bit, i'm still not 100% there though. I feel it's less intense then what it can be. It's mainly because of the relapse from uridine, and that a certain 'chronic high ' puts a blanket over my feelings. The medicines might also do that. 

 

Improved glutamate neurotransmission through NMDA agonism might reduce excitotixcity. 

 

http://www.ncbi.nlm....pubmed/22750492

Edited by tylerdurden, 02 August 2014 - 09:42 AM.

[Boopy!]

I have to say I am finding this fascinating.   I came here to find possible alternatives to the dreary old SSRI SNRI possibilities docs (in America at least)   throw at a woman with pretty much typical depression and obsessive type thinking.   No alternatives have ever been even suggested to me in many many years and to be honest,  looking back,  I don't think SSRIs have ever done a damn thing.   This means,  hilariously enough,  that I have BEEN WAITING FIFTEEN YEARS for my SSRIs  (various kinds tried,  separately of course) to kick in.   No wonder I am such an impatient person,  actually I would say looking at that statement I am the world's most patient!  Remember,  one definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.   What I find fasincating,  if I can explain,  is what it is like to be in someone else's mind --  I have always been so much in my own mind I had no idea people could even see the world like this.  Wow.   Like,  I am thinking of past boyfriends and thinking,  hmm,  how did they see me (well if they had had this kind of mind.)  I would read an autobio of this  (although I'd probably end up feeling kind of out of it after.)   I am embarrassed to admit it but I really don't understand dissociation although I have heard of it.   I can't imagine yelling fuck you bitch at my shrink although my God I should have by now!   Such a different kind of mental illness yet similar in some ways too  (to my depression i mean.)

And btw the fact you have even been able to sit and write,  and accomplish a lot in my eyes,   says to me you are functioning to some degree?   Do you think that the mental problems perhaps have any beneficial aspects --  I am serious about this.   In other words some of what you have suffered from should be cured,  perhaps,  esp. drinking,    but other things may actually serve some kind of purpose or give you some added abilities in the way you view the world?  

[abcmanomandriepunt1]

I accidentely made a large story, but i always do that whenever wherever. My novels are like 800 page's thick.

 

Well, our symptoms don't have to be the same, but still our stories can look a like. The theme and moral of the story might be the same.  I think it's like that for many people with depression or other mental illness, that they somewhere lost control. 

Symptoms are ofen difficult to explain to others, even trying to explain depression to someone who hasn't experienced it, will not really give that much understanding. Since i'm a writer, i try to place myself into different perspectives, but there was no way i could comprehend dissociation or psychosis before i experienced it. It's impossible. Dissociation and psychosis are the unknown. Like death in a way. I used to fear the unknown, but i no longer do.  I'm also not really fascinated by it anymore, i was always obsessed with the things i feared. 

 

It's kind a funny, just when i got sick with burn out/dissociation, i wanted to go to film school to write films scripts and make a film about psychosis. I became interested in mental illness, drug abuse, and madness, and was reading books by hunter s thompson and was fascinated by 'gonzo journalism.'

 

Then I became physically sick and had to let that go. 

 

Eventually i did make something out of my old interest, madness & drug abuse, which i now find less fascinating, and story telling became my new one. I really believe people are designed by evolution to have certain skills and the will to do something with it, and find more interest in where the skill's at.

 

Story telling is where my skills and talent lay at, in remembering and seeing causalities and connections, it was already like that since i was young, and i now have so much experience with madness, drug abuse by myself and the people i've met in Amsterdam, that I kind a became a gonzo journalist. So with that experience i started to plan out a 6 novel story about everything i've been through, combined with fiction, but the core is about what i've been through. 

 

It's not about dissociation, but core theme's of three novels are not being in control of oneself and life, and not be able to reeavulate ones actions, and infact not being yourself. And the other three are about adaptation to an individualistic society while  caring too much about the opinions of others and being overly sensitive. I could write novels about dissociation, but you still wouldn't understand it. 

 

I tried to explain dissociation to friends but gave up quickly since i understood there wasn´t a way they were gonna understand my situation. It's frustrating to be not undersood but that also did me good in the end. It put me on my own, and made me a stronger individual, which was something i needed. 

 

So yea, what i've been through and what I still am going through changed me a lot. There are many down sides, cause being ill simply sucks. But there are also upsides.

 

I´m still functioning quite good, although my previous relapse makes it a bit more difficult. I was always very good at staying in control and function good while being drugged or drunk :D.

 

I found my passion while I was in the depts. I found my ideal life, how i would lead my life, differing from how many others do it at my age, while i was sick. When I was 17 i tried to live like the social extravert, with many friends, partying and binge drinking, but deep inside i always wanted to live more like a grandpa. A bit in a small world. I want to write, meet friends in small groups, and fall in love with a woman. And for the rest just appreciate the 'little things´, cause i used to be very good at that, untill i got sick at my mid 20´s. I just enjoy life a lot but forgot that in my 20's.

 

It's really funny, cause my friends see me as this totally different person. Some extravert, while i'm infact more introverted. But i was really good with people.

 

i guess what i learned mostly was to really know what i want and to not want what others want, and to care less about the opions of others and the mass. I´ve written a novel about the adaption of someone like me to the current individualistic society. I always used to lay my problems at others or the society, but learned during my isolation that my way of reacting to the world was not gonna get me any further, and that total isolation and alienation was'nt a solution. So it´s adaptation.

 

When I yelled at the shrinks, I was not even comparable to how i was when I was 19. I was always polite, but sometimes even the people who exhibit the most socially accepted behaviour, reach a point in their lives when they just don´t give a fuck anymore. It was the isolation and the physical illness, which changed me the most. The going out of society, becomming alienated, and becomming dysfunctional, was certainly something i needed to become happy again, cause i was like you say 'waiting for something to happen' and i wasn't in control. I also was very depressed, detached,  stressed out, fatigued for 1 year without doing anything about it and just waiting for my total collapse, which eventually happened. I didn't even 'google' my quite severe problems. I probably would have kept going on for years without seeking remedies or psychiatric help if i didn't collapse.

 

I spent one year self reflecting and analysing. It's tough, but i recommend it to people who want to change their life's 180 degrees, to just get out of it for a while and make analysis. writing a semi autobiographical novel gave me a lot of insight as well. Even if you can't write well, it's just really insight full to do. I found out what my problems where and how to tackle them. I learned that i had a couple of preoccupations, like certain obsessions about all my relations with people, anxiety, and caring too much about the opions of others, which were totally useless. You can spend a life time busy with useless stuff. 

 

Now I only need to get my body back online. 

 

Have you already tried any remedies? And watch out with combining SSRI with products which functions are not known, like uridine. Even lions mane i now consider risky to combine with a SSRI. It went allright with me though. Lions mane would be my number 1 recommendation for depression. It did make me hypomanic but i'm also on zyprexa so that evened it out. 

 

Good luck anyways, and this sounds like your average coach but hey : Take control! :D

 

 

[Boopy!]

No I find this topic and the related ones you write about fascinating which is why I am so curious about your illness and what it teaches you (despite the fact that it sucks and the suffering makes any benefits absolutely not worth it)  and how it shapes your view of the world.  Of course some of my favorite authors,   like Kafka and Hemingway,  had such a brilliant style and unique view and portrayal of the world I also like to see when the horror that afflicts people at least has SOME kind of decent outcome.  

 

Pruning out what you do NOT want and the people you do NOT want around you.....I think this is also product of getting older which regardless of mental probs also means you figured out what works and what doesn't and what is worth your while.   I often read about someone who at like EIGHTY years of age suddenly turns and tells his wife that he is gay and wants to marry or date a lover.   Can you imagine having to live a lie for that long?   One guy I know got Lyme disease and has three kids and a wife and a week ago he quit his job and left them and went to become a Buddhist monk.   I think it comes down to you just have to at some point become more honest with yourself and others overall since lying and denial are never,  ever good for you and I would even say they can slowly kill you.  Sometimes people pander to what they were told to do for so many years (well what they FELT they were told to do I should say.)   I keep trying to tell myself in my darkest moments that oddly enough those asshole times that just torment me have to have some decent tiny little aspect to them,  that they will get me to some realization in a very cruel way,   Like I have to lose control to get control?   Not sure.   

 

Hmm okay good to hear about the lion's mane.   Wow what a strange name....I am going to look into this.   so far all I have found is that it's possible all these years my utter lack of motivation at times MIGHT stem not from depression but rather ADD inattentive.  I was teased for being a spacey type,  but it's true -- I feel I was always in a kind of haze and still often am.   Of course you walk into a doctor's office telling him what you are and they might just discount you since they like to be in charge in their own offices.   I may be insane  (well I am of course)  but I just cold turkey quit Effexor almost a week ago and am pretending not to know that I may soon be in for a great deal of emotional agony.  Or not if ignorance is bliss.  I know,  I know,  I should have titrated down but that has not seemed to help with other meds in the past anyway.   I was walking around gasping and crying uncontrollably at my job for months even when I quit Zoloft the way I was supposed to,   verrrryy slowwwwwly.  And it never even worked to begin with!  So since I am not on any SSRI,  am not drinking/drugging,   I could ideally start taking something sooner as opposed to later.  

 

There's a great quote I just love  that I'll probably mash up from Dr. Seuss that goes something like this:   Those who matter don't mind,   and those who mind don't matter.   Or as I like to say to friends of mine who overthink what other people may make of them,   are they going to be there to rescue you from a fire or a blizzard?   Who the hell are THEY?  I would hope that you can tell the people that truly matter the very worst darkest part of you and they will still be there for you.   This is difficult to do,   takes real courage.  But it's important.

[abcmanomandriepunt1]

Yea i have created an unique view of the world, i can say that . I definitely can relate to stories like going to live like a monk. I see it in a lot of people who get sick, that they suddenly start to choose what they want and no longer what others want. I lived for such a long time doing what my friends wanted me to do, and when i got ill i alienated myself from them because of that. But i still care about them, and love them, and i stopped the alienation, but i changed my way of caring about their opinions or what they want me to be. I've become more of an individual and it's great.

 

Me, my sister and my mother are all very 'spacey.' A bit 'nutty professors.' I failed at practical jobs like working in the supermarket, but got the highest scores at tests at school. We never have been diagnosed with ADD but we definitely have it. 

 

Uridine was a supplement that made me less spacey and more focussed. I could suddenly work on something and not think of anything else. But I wouldn't take it, since i see more anecdotal reports of uridine not working as a long therm solution, or making things worse in the long therm. I had a severe adverse reaction, and have no idea to what in uridine it was, and thats kind a messed up.

 

Spaceyness and brain fog are two different things though, and they do come together often. But now, most of the time, I don't suffer from brain fog, but i consider myself spacey. But i kind a like my spaceyness. I didn't like it when people told me i was 'space' but  I no longer do that. I wasn't teased with it but people thought i just was under influence all the time. I would definitely try to get rid of the brain fog, which will make you a little less spacey probably.

 

I would give lions mane + Alcar + NAC a try, and a healthy diet. Maybe PQQ with that. I like PQQ a lot and consider it a nootropic. You could also give sarcosine a try for your 'spaceyness' since I believe it increases dopamine in the prefrontal cortex like stimulants do.

 

The lions mane is important to buy in bulk, and not in pill/extract. the bulk powder from the mycelium is really effective, i didn't notice anything from the pills. I bought this one. 

 

http://www.mushroomh...products_id=102

 

I believe a diet can do a lot for brain fog, and maybe you could give an avoidance diet a try, since brain fog and food intollerances often come together. For me, it was fun to experiment a bit with my diet, but i don't know if you'll like it. I ate this for 1 year straight and it helped a lot with brain fog. I avoided high histamine foods, high copper foods, sugar, soy, corn, gluten, dairy, basically everything. I only ate this : 

 

All fresh vegetables except tomato and eggplant (histamines)

grass fed beef

MCT oil + EV olive oil.

water

 

 

 

 

Good luck. Hope you get through the withdrawals. I think NAC would help with that. I've been taking high dosages NAC for longer then a year, and the year before that, i couldn't do anything without crying. It pulled me straight out of the most insane psychotic depression. Since NAC i no longer feel the urge to cry every day.