67 replies to this topic

[abcmanomandriepunt1]

I´m gonna move in with a friend for a while and focus fully on three of my novels. I will not be online on longecity anymore. I know i´ve stated it many times, but now i´m for real. After my novels are fixed i´m gonna be back on this forum untill i fixed my CFS. I want to start a ´chapter´ on longecity, gather people with CFS, and start to find a solution and go experiment. I hate to experiment, but well, it has to happen since i won´t last that long with my CFS. 

 

I still highly recommend my stack stated above.

 

[abcmanomandriepunt1]

Sarcosine needs time. I feel better everyday since sarcosine, i had exactly the same experience with DMG. During the day, my vision becomes brighter and i feel generally better. Every day it starts earlier and I think one day it will last permanently. A week ago it was at 17:00 and yesterday and today it was at 15.30.

 

So for people with dissociation, any type of dissociation, I recommend sarcosine. Take it for longer than one month and see if you feel better during the day and the effect kicks in earlier every day.

 

Sarcosine definitely needs time, it activiates something in the body which starts to recover slowly after the usage. that's how i experience it. 

[Boopy!]

argh I thought I was good at understanding psychological definitions but I still don't get the definition of dissociation other than the PTSD one.   Or more specifically I don't get the overall idea of dissociation and what it feels like and that's what is frustrating,  to not quite understand how it feels.  I was attacked very badly by a guy with a mask and a knife (I got away)  but other than typical PTSD in which I played the incident over and over like a weird dream,  to process it out (didn't need this explained,  it's quite obviously the body's way of healing naturally)   and hyper-alertness (I would jump around ready to spray my mace if a leaf fell behind me,  literally)  I never had a loss of memory or sense of depersonalization....I THINK I didn't although shit,  this just made me wonder if I did forget stuff.  I thought I got away....did I?  Oh well.  So,  I know it's a tall order,  but is there a way you can explain how it feels,  someone?

 

Also,  it seems that benzos really are not a good idea unless ABSOLUTELY necessary.  I was prescribed them for my extreme anxiety at the time (and rarely took them as they did not work)  but I see a lot of people on here and elsewhere and also in real life that all have the same complaints after using some kind of benzo.  Is the FDA finally catching onto just how odd and bad they can be?

[abcmanomandriepunt1]

Haha. you really want to know about this, it's kind a cute :D. 

 

Well there are different sorts of dissociation. I had three different sorts. first one started at my 20th. 

 

1st

Feeling disconnected and out of it. I looked at people, all with their emotions and vulnerability, they made me fill with disgust. I was feeling absolutely nothing but disgust and irritation. Everybody annoyed me and I was feeling superior in comparison with all the weak people around me.

 

I looked at airplanes and thought 'so strange. all the people sitting in rows, flying in a vehicle, where there's a pilot in front which steers the giant plane.'

 

I looked at people in crowds, all appeared to be acting in a way. The behaviour by all the people looked fake, like they didn't mean it. 

 

I looked at my parents and fellt no connection with them and fellt the need to get as far a way from the softness and warmness.

 

2nd 

 

This one hit after an panic/anxiety attack. I fellt still everything from the first, but on top of that, i fellt a bit autistic. I couldn't comprehend the world anymore. It was all so complex. Like I had to map and organise the world around me all over again and  if something didn't fit, I would get uncomfortable. I'm not somebody who panics fast but i could comprehend if people did panic from that uncomfortable feeling. Everything had to make sense, and fit, and i needed to live in a really small world. One time my perception changed a bit, and everything fellt surreal. If i looked at people, or objects, it would all have this surreal feeling to it. Like it was different then before. It didn't feel normal or trusted, but surreal and dangerous. Even family, but also rooms and neigbourhoods. I'm not an anxious person anymore, but in the beginning it frightened me a bit. I thought I was loosing my mind. Which i eventually did, but wasn't that scary at all. Fear for the unknown.

 

 

3th

Feeling like you look to reality from another dimension. I sit behind my computer and stare at my laptop, while it feels the laptop is infact in another reality. The other reality is different than the one i'm in. 

 

It looks like i sit somewhere in my own reality in a chair, in a black room, where it's all dark. Time feels different, and space feels different. Time and space feel begin and endless. It's all this pitch black, dark hole. And in that pitch black dark whole, i've put on a new video gaming technology (like mycrosofts AR's glasses.). Through that AR's glass, I live in this reality, where we sit now. It feels like a computer programm and everything looks like this.

 

 

In my own reality, i also have played more games. This one was just another life, and wasn't special at all. It was just another game. 

 

 

Can you find rest now?

 

 

[Boopy!]

This really made ME feel terrified,  my stomach dropped as I read it.   I hope I don't pick up some kind of contact high from this (I "gave"  two of  my friends panic attacks from the ones I had so they too started to think they were having heart attacks!)   But yes this explained several things perfectly.   I wonder if a lot of the people who have this played a lot of video games,  and also I can see how it would have some benefits as far as organizing/viewing the world,  certain careers,  etc. --  not that the person suffering from this would have chosen it,  but it could have certain benefits.   The body's own way of protecting itself (I keep seeing this over and over with all the mental illnesses,  which despite how horrible they are often have some kind of desperate protective measure taken subconsciously or even consciously.)

 

I will not find rest if I let this horror affect me,  Jeez that's upsetting.  Although I guess if I gave some details of my former addiction it could sound upsetting,  but I think not as much.  If I had this....it would feel like my mind was about to drift off into the ether.

[abcmanomandriepunt1]

@ boopy.

 

It's an ancient system in humans to be able to dissociate, it existed before the time of playing video games. It's comperable to the shamanitistic 'dream world, the middle world where the shamans perform there healing. I kind a got interested in shamanism and it's a part in the trilogy i'm writing. Consider me as someone quite normal, but everything i've seen and been through kind a led me thinking : 'there's more out there.'  still I think it's all in the brain, but that there are ways by altering neurotransmitters to percieve reality differently. Our perception of reality is limited. 

 

 

@ readers.

I was really good at obtaining information throughout my life, but that ability left me around age 20. Sarcosine makes me able to learn, listen, obtain the information, and really learn it. When I have a conversation with someone, I can listen, and learn what they have to say, and at the same time think about it, and offer my perspective. This makes my ability to conversate way better.

 

When I read information i feel like i'm truly absorbing it, and no longer am just reading it without comprehending it.  

 

It's great for learning and obtaining information.

[niner]

A possible mechanism of action for sarcosine:
 

Expert Opin Ther Targets. 2014 Jun 26:1-15. [Epub ahead of print]
Targeting of NMDA receptors in new treatments for schizophrenia.
Hashimoto K.

Chiba University Center for Forensic Mental Health, Division of Clinical Neuroscience , 1-8-1 Inohana, Chiba 260-8670 , Japan +81 43 226 2517 ; +81 43 226 2561 ; hashimoto@faculty.chiba-u.jp.

Introduction: Abnormalities in glutamatergic neurotransmission mediated by N-methyl-d-aspartate (NMDA) are implicated in the pathophysiology of schizophrenia, although the precise mechanisms are unknown. Areas covered: The author examines the role of the NMDA receptor in schizophrenia, focusing on results from preclinical and clinical studies that support the NMDA receptor hypothesis of schizophrenia. The author first reviewed papers detailing alterations in the levels of endogenous substances such as glutamine, glutamate, d-serine, l-serine, kynurenic acid and glutathione (GSH), all of which can affect NMDA receptor function. Next, the author reviewed clinical findings for glycine, d-serine, d-cycloserine, d-amino acid oxidase inhibitors (e.g., sodium benzoate) and glycine transporter-1 inhibitors (e.g., sarcosine, bitopertin), as potential therapeutic drugs. In addition, the author outlined how oxidative stress associated with decreased levels of the endogenous antioxidant GSH may play a role in the pathophysiology of schizophrenia. Finally, the author reviewed N-acetylcysteine (NAC), a precursor of GSH and an activator of the cystine-glutamate antiporter, as a potential therapeutic drug. Expert opinion: Given the NMDA receptor hypothesis of schizophrenia, the glycine modulatory site on NMDA receptors is the most attractive therapeutic target for this disease. In addition, both the kynurenine pathway and cystine-glutamate antiporter represent credible potential therapeutic targets for schizophrenia.

PMID: 2496557

[abcmanomandriepunt1]

So I've been away for a long time.

 

I didn't have a job and have been home all the time studying philosophy and history. I got into the depts of philosophy and studied german idealism and Hegel and it kind of triggered something in me. I'm a extremely logical thinker, and being a logical thinker reading logical works of Hegel and Kant I actually came to the conclusion that I had to turn my beliefssystem around. So I started to believe in Hegels absolute idealism cause it was logical and then I saw that spirituality was in fact logical.

 

I still was very sick with my physical disease and also with dissociation. But the physical disease was killing me and made me feel like dying. I felt like I was completely dead and empty and if I would let go of myself i'd die. I kept myself alive with logic and told myself I'd be allright in the future and have a better existence and should bite through the suffering.

 

I started to believe in god pragmatically. Not the christian god but the spirit which I read about in Hegel which is basically a god which is in everything and feels like the divine love of christianity and on which christianity is probably based.

 

Believing pragmatically even if you're a non believer is really a recommendation. Believe me, I was very atheistic and used to mock religions and religioius people. But then I decided to believe in god because of the postive effect it had on me,  it didn't have to be necessarily true but the effect of believing was nice.

 

At one night I decided not to keep myself alive with logic working to a better existence, but instead let go of myself and give myself to the divine spirit (god).

 

Well this is gonna sound strange, and I'm not psychotic, or crazy, I'm actually doing quite well.

 

But I became enlightened.

 

I could talk about enlightenment for days because it's truly the wierdest thing I have been through. It's not like dissocation or psychosis, true enlightenment is the best and heaviest thing I have been through.

 

It really was a salvation.

 

Ever since I have been recovering from my physical and mental illness and I think I'll be functional very soon.

 

Enlightenment is not just inner peace. It can totally reset your body and mind and give you a rebirth. But first you have to die, which is heavy, but sometimes sickness had already killed you, just like in my case. Sometimes you just did't accept it.

 

I came back to this forum to tell broken people that if they're really at their wits end like I was, start reading philosophy like Hegel and believe pragmatically in god. I believe everyone has an inner god in themselves and that god can seriously be of great aid.

 

I also believe people like me with depersonalization and derealization and chronical fatigue syndrome with physical exhaustion may in fact be people who can reach enlightenment if they give theirselves up to the divine. Just like shamans can. They're priests, or angels, who can heal people.

 

I'm not saying you should become a devoted believer, but i'm just saying that if you're sick, it's a recommendation to pragmatically believe in the divine. Feel that divine love and try to believe it's true. It doesn't necissarily have to be true, but it helped many people, and it truly changed my whole life.

 

Get the idea?

 

Add it to your stack.

Edited by tylerdurden, 20 April 2015 - 06:26 PM.