All I know is that from the first dose of 9-mbc 3.5 months ago I’ve been completely sober. Considering that I’ve been (poly) drug abuser for nearly half of my life it’s hard for me to believe I’ve actually gone that long without altering my consciousness. And it hasn’t been too hard either. What is even more remarkable is that I’ve managed to do this while going through one of the most stressful periods of my life so far. All the original triggers that made me go on benzos 8 years ago have been firing full on for the past 2 weeks and remaining sober throughout all this is something that was completely unimaginable for me before.
Another very big change is how I manage my living space. I’ve always been a slob. Ever since a little kid I’ve struggled with keeping clean. It was very much bordering on pathological levels of messiness. I often felt disgusted with myself in that regard, but felt completely helpless to change. Ever since starting with 9-mbc my place is always relatively clean. I don’t clean compulsively. I just keep a presentable level of tidiness, so if anyone happens to drop in unannounced I don’t have any reason to feel embarrassed about the condition of my place.
Also I’ve completely revamped my eating habits, rapidly lost the extra 20kgs I was carrying with me for nearly a decade and so far have managed to keep it off without too much effort.
Another thing that deserves a mention is that I’ve completely given up watching porn. I also did a 2 complete months of no fap challenge. I was very much addicted to watching porn so this is not a small change either.
Maybe it was all placebo. In that case more power to me I guess. That’s at least what I thought at first as well. But somehow it is very hard to believe given my track record with these things. I’ve tried to facilitate these kinds of changes before, but never have I been able to keep with them longer than 10 days. I would just burn out and usually fall even lower when I was to begin with. So this is what I was expecting with this experiment as well. But it never happened. Weeks went by, then one day I ran out of 9-mbc. I was so sure I would fall back into my old patterns. I made a conscious decision to do my best to keep the changes I had been able to make. I didn’t expect to succeed. But somehow all the things had stuck with me and I didn’t have to put any extra effort into remaining where I was. Now it has been nearly 2.5 months since that last dose and I’ve still managed to keep all these things. Every now and then when I have a more stressful day I may let myself go a bit, but it gets very quickly uncomfortable and I bounce right up again. Like I said before, it feels like I have a new baseline now.
There is no way to tell if it was placebo or not, but to me personally feels like 9-mbc fixed some underlying problem for me that was keeping my in this stupor. It’s not that all my mental problems are solved now. I still have some very big issues that need to be tackled, but now that I’m not overburden by this basic behavioral stuff I feel more able to do it than I have ever before.
