Alright, lots of new information to throw out. 2 months worth of more experimenting and discovery! yay
MRI
Firstly, I was able to get an MRI and everything came back normal, minus they found cysts in my maxillary sinuses oddly enough, fairly large ones. They said it's a non issue but I'll ask my neuro about it when I see him soon (idk if he'll have knowledge about it but w/e). So that is awesome, that tells me it's something just out of whack with my neurotransmitters (I'm inferring). I don't have a freaking brain tumor or some degenerative disease, and I think it's GABA, or more specifically (if I can infer this with the loose oversimplified information I/we have) my GABA receptors.
A while ago I purchased Phenibut just for the hell of it, it sounded like a great tool if used responsibly, and wow is it ever, but for me it's been more than that. After my first time taking it it was more insightful than even Adderall/Ritalin has been. I felt about 90% back to normal for a period of about ~4 hours. It's like I'm blasted into another universe, it's very bizzare. I'm aware again, my mind actually fucking works, the world feels real again. It feels like my brain went from the power of a Gameboy Classic to a cutting edge smart phone. The universe opened up again, and I felt normal, almost. Still a bit disorganized and confused but infinitely more functional than I am at baseline. And just to nip it in the bud, I realize this substance creates a beyond normal functioning state, and I tend not to dose that high as it honestly frightens me a bit, my inhibitions go away too much and I'm way too comfortable with the idea of saying some ridiculously offensive things to some people I don't quite like lol, so I keep it at a happy medium. My cognition comes back, that's the takeaway, my feelings come back, my ease of sociability comes back to previous baseline (yes it exceeds my old normal if I take a lot).
So this new insight sent me into a frenzy of research and made me consider that my alcohol consumption (8+ years of getting very hammered at LEAST 3 times a month) perhaps caused something called PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome). Typically this is seen in benzo abuse and with alcoholics, but perhaps I'm more sensitive to it. Basically destroyed my GABA a/b receptors. Again, hypotheses, but without anything else showing a stronger possibility at the moment I see no other one to pursue.
I then looked at everything under the sun for GABA repair, and there's not a whole lot. Everything about GABA is basically a no-no in the realistic use world. Anything that acts on the GABA system, rapidly down-regulates it and invariably exacerbates the issue. But I had to try something, so i kept digging. What I've come up with is a lot of speculation ( and assuredly oversimplified), but at the moment, it is seemingly helpful. I've stopped looking at substances for chronic use and started looking at ones that repair and are then discontinued, at least that's the idea.
Here's what I've come up with and have been using:
- Kava kava (1/2 dose / day) - POTENTIALLY (controversial) upregulation of GABA (a) receptors. Lots of anecdotal reports of reverse tolerance. Some studies suggest this as well, some suggest otherwise. Might as well try. Feels helpful, not substantial, but enough to warrant continuation with how inexpensive it is.
- Fasoracetam (~15 mg sublingual) - POTENTIALLY upregulate GABA (b) receptors (the ones Phenibut acts on, what I feel I'm really lacking). Honestly the acute effects are quite enjoyable as well. Definitely my favorite racetam and actually the only one I think is even worth bothering with (according to my personal chemistry ofc). Makes the world feel a bit more real again. I very much enjoy it.
- Ketogenic Diet - shown to upregulate GABA (a) in SOME individuals, others did not. Has also significantly helped with my physical fatigue. It's still there, but being tired doesn't wreck like 5-6 hours of my day. I don't go into a food coma after eating now, I actually feel energized after eating. Not fun to implement, requires a lot of diligence.
- N-Acetyl Semax - (.2 mL in the morning, .1mL p.r.n.) - Thank you Ceretropic for doses small enough to afford sampling. This has probably been my most well responded to supplement aside from Ritalin (and ofc Phenibut). Brings me out of my head and gives me mental bracing to actually push my thoughts/words/feelings out into the world.
Will this simplistic idea work? "Brain repair" and GABA receptor upregulation? I don't know if it works like that, but it's all I've got at the moment, and I feel better.
I've been doing my best to avoid any drinking and so far I'm doing good, actually I'm doing perfect. What I'm playing with though is the idea, and I've done previously before discovering the idea of PAWS, was taking Phenibut as an alcohol substitute, then just sipping on 2 drinks max all night to keep the buzz up. It worked very well, but if this is hindering my progress in any significant way I'm going to stop immediately. It's just strange to think it could, not because all signs don't point to this being a terrible idea, but because of how fine I feel in the morning. What are you guys' thoughts on this? I don't have enough information to come to a conclusion so I'm kind of hanging in limbo with it. I know for sure I'm not getting drunk anymore though (unless I somehow prove that it isn't the issue).
So with all this + Ritalin I'm doing alright. It comes/goes in waves. Sometimes I think "man this just isn't enough" and times like right now I'm feeling very satisfied with how much I've accomplished with myself having this condition, I feel I've done a very powerful thing, basically on my own.
The research and reports indicate that PAWS can take 18+ months to fully recover from something like PAWS so at the moment I'm just trying to juggle keto, school, and finding new ways in which to enjoy sociability without getting smashed. If I find that Phenibut does not in fact hinder my recovery, I'll be fairly content with the situation I find myself in. Ofc I'm always looking to exceed and not just survive, but it feelsgoodman. Again, this feeling will fade but even fleeting semi-normalcy is incredible.
The Future:
Next I have NSI-189 on the way (looking for the repair potential; some anecdotes are very powerful) and once Ceretropic has P21 in stock with the nasal sprays I'm going to be all over that. It appears as though a P21 cycle is significantly more inexpensive than a Cerebrolysin cycle. I wish I had just tried these peptides to begin with but it took what I did previously to get where I am, so that wasn't really possible. Process of elimination. Cognitive issues overlap in an incredibly overwhelming way.
So I'm doing better than I was. So grateful for Ritalin and Semax. I still have a ways to go but I feel like I'm narrowing in on something, I've eliminated so many potentials that I can't be too far off.
And as always I'm on Skype @ Almost.Easy2. Another member and I are discussing his issues ( similar to mine ) and that's been very therapeutic. It's nice to not feel alone in situations so grim.
TL;DR - Peptides are awesome. I might have P.A.W.S.. NSI-189 on the way. P21 might help a lot. Doing better.
Cheers
