What is the best way to improve control over your thoughts? How do you prevent bad or traumatic memories from popping into your mind at any moment?
If you can bear with me though a corny metaphor, it's the best explanation I've got... My mind constantly feels like having to study while your roommate is having a 24/7 rager (or maybe more like living in a meth house). Basically, the "noise" is always there in the background, and the thoughts and memories keep banging at the back of my mind until I let them in. No matter how many times I kick them out and try to barricade the door, they always push their way back in, with absolutely nothing to trigger them. I try to replace the negative thoughts with positive ones, I try to keep myself occupied at every waking moment, but nothing is working.
I used to ruminate a lot over traumatic events, and it made me really depressed, so I guess I taught myself how to remove the depressive thoughts from my mind on pure reflex. The problem is they are never fully removed, I just push them into the background and it's causing a whole other set of problems. It's still so bad I would jump at the chance to take a pill that would make me wake up tomorrow and not remember a single detail of my life up to that point, because anything that otherwise would have been a 100% good experience is ruined by these pop-up memories.
I'm open to supplements, specific techniques, pretty much anything but therapy at this time (it is an option down the road, but not right now). Maybe I'm shooting in the dark here, but does it make sense that a PTSD or OCD type regimen might work? And am I right in thinking this means improving hippocampus function/size?