6 replies to this topic

[ironfistx]

This is some quick background info:

 

Like 5 years ago I got laid off and started my own company.  It was going alright for a while.  I work from home which was making me kind of insane so I moved downtown to go out and do stuff with my friends.  I loved it.  I got into a relationship and moved to the burbs because it was closer to her work and I could do what I do from anywhere.  Things were ok, but I did miss being downtown.  But it was good.  I was happy .

 

Over the last year or so things started to go slower.  I was becoming unhappy, not necessarily with the relationship, but with myself.  My business wasn't going that well but I wasn't too motivated to fix it because it was still working.  I was being dumb and just doing the most simple stuff to get by.  Things continued like this but I was thinking oh, well I'll do these things to get my business to pick up again, except I never did. 

 

Fast forward another year or so and we broke up.  I moved into another place.  I decided that I was going to use this time to find out what I needed to do and the things that I would find helpful.

 

But, I have gotten myself to somewhere that sucks.

 

I have basically done nothing for the last 6 months.  It's like, things were ok, but I wasn't aware that they were changing, and now I can see that everything isn't great.  I get up every morning and I have these things I want to do and I don't do any of them.  The smallest things, I don't do them.  I have clients that I need to email that I have put off for days because I just don't have the desire to do it.  It sucks.  I watch as my income drops.  Yet I think, ok, I will do these things tomorrow.  And I really want to do them tomorrow, but then I don't.  I have all these ideas for things that I want to do and I do none of them.  Could it be that having the idea makes me feel good?  I saw something that said you shouldn't tell people about your goals because then you are less likely to do them since you have just gotten an improved feeling for talking about them.    I need to go through and do some things regarding the websites I have, and I haven't done it.  For weeks.  And I don't know why.  I need to do some other stuff and I just never seem to do it.  I feel like I suck.  I look back at the 6 months I have been in my apartment and I think what have I done?  I haven't gotten any of the stuff that I wanted to done.  My business is still in the same place it was before.  I don't know where I should go or what I should do.  This was going to be a temporary thing and it's dragging on and I am in the same spot I was in when I moved here.

 

And this goes for other things, too.  Not just work stuff.  I want to do things, but I don't.  It's irritating to no end.

 

I cannot go to bed on time.  I'm sure this is part of the problem.  I want to go to bed at 10 or so and get up at 6, but I tend to go to bed at 4.  I am a night person.  I feel good in the evening.  Maybe it's cuz sleep deprivation acutely teats depression?  I don't sleep all day, I just kind of don't do anything.  I will surf the net and get distracted like crazy with things that I want to do, but don't.  I need to clean my place but haven't.  For months.  I have threads on this forum I want to read, but haven't.

 

I am late to everything.  I try to be on time but I am not.  I go out and do things and feel good and then I come back and get depressed.  Maybe I just don't like where I live.  I mean it's decent but I really moved here because it was available when I needed to move out.  I am in this comfort zone and it sucks but I can't get out.  Years ago I was living downtown and working on my business and feeling good.  I have thought about moving downtown again but most of my friends have either moved or have gotten married.  I think that changing environments while I am in a poor mindset and would not have the effect that changing environments while in a better groove would do.  Plus, downtown is expensive and I don't really have the cash for that now.

 

I am frustrated at myself because of how I have gotten like this.  I know I am better than this.

 

Recently the idea has been entering my head that I should stop my company and get a job.  That is frightening because I am so used to being in this situation.  The idea of working a normal job again is so weird to me.  Being your own boss and doing whatever you want is excellent.  I basically made my own schedule, did the things I wanted, went where I wanted, but of course sometimes you will work late into the night, too.  Everyone else has a normal job and works until 5 or whatever.  I always felt great not doing that.  But having a normal job gets you around people and living alone and working alone sucks.  It was cool for a while, but I don't like it anymore.

 

Basically, I need to motivate myself.  Supplements and stuff are not what I'm looking for, except as a possible additoin to whatever.  I posted this in the lifestyle forum rather than the supplement forum.

 

How have you gotten the desire to do things back in your life if you have ever been in this situation?

[niner]

It certainly sounds like you're depressed.  Depression is a chemical problem, so I wouldn't completely dismiss chemical solutions, although behavioral solutions are very important.  Cognitive Behavioral Therapy would probably help.   When there's something that you want to accomplish, like getting to bed at a decent hour, but you don't want to do it, if you can manage to make yourself do it, even though you don't want to, pretty soon you may find that you actually want to do it, and you no longer have to make yourself do it.   Maybe sleep hygiene would be a good place to start.  Try to get away from electronics for a while before you want to go to bed, if possible.  Reduce your exposure to light that's green or higher frequency.  Install f.lux on your computer-- it will reduce brightness and redshift your screen at sundown, and bring it back up at sunup.  It's an amazingly cool free app.  Get your bedroom as dark as possible.  You might want to try 500 mg of L-tryptophan about an hour before you want to go to bed.  You could also look at a low dose of melatonin, like 0.5 mg.  You might have to split a tablet to get that.  (Pill splitters are really useful for this.)   I used to get seasonally depressed in the fall/winter months.  A while back I started supplementing iodine at a slightly greater than RDA dose (225 mcg potassium iodide from NOW) and had a sense that it improved my mood in general, and I stopped getting seasonal affective disorder.  I don't know if the iodine really did that, or if it was a coincidence, but that was my experience.  I hope that you feel better soon.

[xEva]

ironfistx, I think you must change your environment asap; otherwise you're running the risk of rotting in the place you're in. The longer you stay there, the more ingrained that way of life will become. Get out of there. It could be a worse place, it could be moving back with your parents even -- anything will be better than continuing staying where you are. You need to get out of there.

[ironfistx]

It certainly sounds like you're depressed.  Depression is a chemical problem, so I wouldn't completely dismiss chemical solutions, although behavioral solutions are very important.  Cognitive Behavioral Therapy would probably help.   When there's something that you want to accomplish, like getting to bed at a decent hour, but you don't want to do it, if you can manage to make yourself do it, even though you don't want to, pretty soon you may find that you actually want to do it, and you no longer have to make yourself do it.   Maybe sleep hygiene would be a good place to start.  Try to get away from electronics for a while before you want to go to bed, if possible.  Reduce your exposure to light that's green or higher frequency.  Install f.lux on your computer-- it will reduce brightness and redshift your screen at sundown, and bring it back up at sunup.  It's an amazingly cool free app.  Get your bedroom as dark as possible.  You might want to try 500 mg of L-tryptophan about an hour before you want to go to bed.  You could also look at a low dose of melatonin, like 0.5 mg.  You might have to split a tablet to get that.  (Pill splitters are really useful for this.)   I used to get seasonally depressed in the fall/winter months.  A while back I started supplementing iodine at a slightly greater than RDA dose (225 mcg potassium iodide from NOW) and had a sense that it improved my mood in general, and I stopped getting seasonal affective disorder.  I don't know if the iodine really did that, or if it was a coincidence, but that was my experience.  I hope that you feel better soon.

 

I was wondering if it was a seasonal thing but usually I don't like the summer anyway, lol.  I need to avoid TV and computers before bed.  WHen it is late there is a relaxed feeling that I get that I don't have during the day, and I think I stay tup to experience it.  Every morning though when I get up late I am mad.  I feel that my mind wakes up in the evening.  it's when I get things done.

ironfistx, I think you must change your environment asap; otherwise you're running the risk of rotting in the place you're in. The longer you stay there, the more ingrained that way of life will become. Get out of there. It could be a worse place, it could be moving back with your parents even -- anything will be better than continuing staying where you are. You need to get out of there.

 

The things you said are probably right.

[shifter]

I had the same thing once. I got to a point I couldn't be bothered opening my mail. All my emotions felt flattened. No high, no low and even in situations where I had extreme anxiety before (full contact karate ring fighting), I felt nothing before or after it. I used to lose 4kg in a weekend to stress prior to the competition but when I didn't feel even a hint of nerves I knew something was wrong.

You need to remove yourself from the environment ASAP. You need to take a break, go on a holiday, relax and make sure you get plenty of sleep. My flattened emotions came from doing 16 hour work days, months on end with only 3-4 hour sleep max a night. Not good. Doctor said I was depressed and gave me a script for anti depressants. Looking at the side effects (one which was feelings of suicide??!) I quit one of the jobs instead. Much better effect than a pill (in my case). And although my income was greatly reduced it was well worth it.

Recently I was made redundant on a dead end job of 14 years (the one I didn't quit). Best thing that ever happened to me really. I got to a point the consistent routine screwed my brain. I never could absorb any new information. I'd read something but gained no new knowledge for it. My mind was so hard wired to the same things, places and information every day that that it's all it would care to know. Our minds like things mixed up a little and to be challenged.

I suggest to take a holiday and learn a new skill or course in something. Change your schedule and environment. Go overseas and immerse in a new country and culture for a bit, Go for a daily or nightly jog, climb a mountain go bush walking, read books and/or watch documentaries etc. You need to hit a RESET/REBOOT button if you want to get out of this rut.

[misterE]

I worked at a job for five years. At the beginning, the job brought me extreme joy and pleasure. I enjoyed every aspect of my job. Certain situations would occur from time to time that gave me the upmost "high" I could have ever felt. Once the situations stopped occurring, I was without my "high" and everything I enjoyed their previously became irrelevant, old and boring. I became bitter and depressed and lost all interest and zest for my role at the job. I would try really hard to achieve that "high" in other places in my life, such as women, drugs, alcohol and even life risking behaviors, like jumping off a bridge into the river below!

 

None of these things were satisfactory, they would give me a temporary rush or high, but it just wouldn't do. I began to drink heavily to feel high all the time and while this gave me some kind of temporarily relief or numbness: the drinking became a problem as I would drink at work to cope with a now seemingly lackluster job and my depression and this caused many ruined relationships with my friends, co-workers and my loyal customers, who I also considered friends. The failed relationships only caused more depression and anxiety.

 

I decided to quit my job and many people depended on me and were sad to see me leave, but I felt the need to leave in order to break the cycle. Once I quite my job and began to stop drinking I felt even worse because there was now no possible way to even retain my "high". And the high I got from alcohol was now gone too!

 

I think my brain was being overwhelmed by a great flood of serotonin, dopamine, endorphins, adrenaline and the rush from these experiences was so intense, that I became addicted to the rush, and without it, I became depressed as nothing else would compete with this rush.

 

I am now in the beginning stages of trying to rediscover the pleasures in life. But I know how you are feeling. Sometimes a clean-slate is all you need.

[misterE]

Another concept is the plateau-effect of life. This happens in every aspect of our lives but I will use marriage as an example because it is the easies to understand. When you first meet someone you love and are in the process of wooing or "the chase", things are exciting, fun, novel, unpredictable and passionate. Then comes marriage, which is also a thrill, but five years into the marriage things become routine and predictable (this is the plateau). So what people do from avoiding the plateau is to have unprotected sex and have children, which is also a thrill, but once again, the thrill and novelty from the birth of the child or children begins to wane and things once again become routine and predictable. At this point, there is very little couples can do to keep climbing or have thrills, often times couples will become swingers, or becomes kinky in the bedroom or start a secret affair to feel the excitement again, but what happens when the thrill of all those go as well?

 

Once you have taken the climb to the highest possible point, you have either two-choices, you can stay and be content or you can leave and start over. This concept applies in every aspect of life and is like a "tolerance" or "resistance".

 

You read a book for the first time and every chapter is new and fresh and the suspense or novelty of the book is very interesting and exciting, and you look forward to the next chapter. But if you read the book a second or third time, it becomes boring and predictable. You can continue to reread it over and over again or start over with a new book.

 

This plateau or "tolerance" I believe is wired into humans in order to keep humanity moving forward and progressing, to keep us constantly growing, experiencing, learning, achieving and evolving.

Edited by misterE, 30 June 2015 - 02:32 AM.