As It stands, I have horrendous mental fatigue. It feels as though my brain has been dipped in novacane. To start off with, my verbal fluency and word recall is abismal to the point where I can't even carry a conversation past a couple of sentances. This includes with my family and friends. I've lost a lot of friends over the course of my 20's because they feel I'm not interested in having them around and they're right to an extent, I actually don't have the mental stamina to talk to them. It's extra-ordinarily daunting. I can't formulate a conversation because my mind is literally blank, I can't dig deep enough to find anything to talk about. I can't explain how fustrating this is. I just tell people I'm really tired the whole day as an excuse to be reclusive. Ontop of social anxiety, I get anxious too. Sometimes it wakes me up during the night but my days are generally riddled with anxiety.
The most fustrating thing of all is that I've become dumb. I can't find words from my vocab bank to express my thoughts and feelings.
I'm usually in a really dark mood, quite sad and dissasociated. I don't feel like I have a strong sense of self. Smiling and laughing is quite difficult and It's impossible for me to relate to anyone. It's almost like I'm experiencing the negative symptoms of schitzophrenia.
Life is literally not worth living and it wouldn't be If i didn't get hangovers.
I could be in a really dark/dumb mood and I'd drink myself silly (two bottles of wine). My mood/symptoms would probably get progressively worse throughout the night but when I'd wake up hungover. Everything would just dissapear and i'd feel like the real old me. I'd be running around trying to talk to as many people as I can. Friends, family and strangers alike. I'd finally feel alive. It's worth noting that this doesn't happen while I'm drunk, but when I'm hungover. All my anxiety would literally be gone, both social and general. My memory bank and word recall would be fucking fantastic and i'd finally feel like a human again. I can smile, the world is awesome and I can fool around and finally be in the world as me. My cognition improves, every positive charactaristic of mine comes out. When I was studying (I can't now because of this), I would be much more attentive and have a lot better focus.
The funny thing is, the more hungover I am, the better I would feel. I could be on two hours sleep and have had a bottle of vodka the day prior, but my mind would be at it's freshest.
A few things worth noting,
drinking doesn't help mood/cognition/verbal fluency during the night of drinking, it makes it worse.
i don't get particularly sick during a hangover, regardless how much alcohol i've consumed
the more hydrated i am, the night before, the less hungover i get, meaning i don't feel as great (I would usually still feel good)
I've tried high doses of baclofen and phenibut to see if it's gaba-b related. Both substances don't make me any more social/improve my intelligence/change much. Phenibut might make me a slight bit more chirpy.
Ontop of those, I've tried all B's, b12 and methyl folate at various doses, ashwagandah, brahmi, nac, alcar, ashwagandah, curcumin, C, D, K, curcumin, fish oil, theanine, tyrosine, magnesium, caffiene as well as others. Nothing has really worked.
Note: As an experiment. I've taken a month and a half off drinking and it was hard. Not because I enjoy drinking but because there's an imbalance that a big hangover levels out.
There's not a lot of information on the internet but there are these threads that might give some insight:
http://www.longecity...ohol-hangovers/ http://www.longecity...as-a-nootropic/ http://www.longecity...t-post-alcohol/
For the love of god, can someone please help me. I'm in a prison, I'm not myself.