i took some homemade gingerale to the bar and the waitress lady tried to tell me i couldn't bring my own drinks. rather than run it out to my car (a move i've pulled all too often) i slammed that spicy bath of fizzy water before her eyes, begged that she make me puke it up and tossed the bottle defiantly in the general direction of the trash.
she must have been unhappy cause her supervisor comes over, like sir sir, you missed the trashcan i gotta ask you to pick that bottle up. missed the trash, lady, of course i missed the trash. do i look like a kobe bryant. i couldn't make a layup on a 6foot rim. you could probably throw a ball farther than me. you could probly throw me over the berlin wall miss, cos you looking pretty hefty. oh fuck you fuck you they tore that down, we'll get the mexican wall that's the next best thing.
so cut a nigga some slack, would ya? sir, who are you here with, are you gonna order anything to drink? drink what, water? i'll order a glass of that when my friend James gets here.
she sends the bouncer over and i'm having regrets at this point because he grabs my fricking ear and hoists me over to the trash all wincing in pain in before a crowd of haters to properly dispose of the unbroken glass bottle
the next morning i'm examining spinach at kroger when a clerk appears and asks if i need assistance finding something. there i am kneeling down on an unforgiving floor, perilously sifting thru bundles of moldy spinach for one that looks better than the rest and here this bugaboo has the nerve to come start talking down to me like im some kinda nigga tripping face with his gorilla paw dug up to the elbow in a bulk fruit bin. he must have been blind or just messing with me, cause you could tell this stuff was moldy from across the store.
yeah you produce pushing pimp, i cooly confess to him. i'm here looking for a girlfriend.
ah, well theres one fumbling apples behind you, he points out.
oh that's real clever sherlock, ill be fumbling words we'll have something in common. and try not to take a nigga so seriously damn bubba. do i look like i came here for a girlfriend? i got bed head and i'm dressed in rags. and if you had some spinach that werent moldy as shit, too, that'd be nice.
one minute sir, he says after realizing my dilemma, i'll be right back. he slinks away thru a trapdoor into the jolly green forest, and emerges with the most amazing looking bunch of spinach i've seen in all my life. you ever see a dog snatch a steak out of mid-air? this Kroger guy aint even have to toss me that bundle of greens, i snapped it out of his hands twist-tie and all like some kinda limited edition popeye incarnate youtube mothafucka. then i bagged me some apples and had a healthy day