[quote=crayzyMed;1085687977]This looks like a wall of text as i typed it in word first, to not lose it and it took me a while, srry for that
Hello guys, i havent been here for a long time haha, either way i still succesfully use stimulants for social anxiety anhedonia but most important of all, i came to using stims because after using MDMA the first time i felt normal, in a way thats hard to explain, i could interact with people like it felt others could do, i felt like i was a normal person and not likemy brain was broken, this can easily for many be explained because of the drug high, eg the euphoria and lack of inhibitions removing social anxiety and someones feels "normal"
However, i allways knew that it was something way deeper then that, as the difference was mind blowing and also lasted all day the next day, even if i felt depressed and really ****ty, i still felt in a way cured, ppl asked me then how i could feel prosocial when your depressed but it had nothing to do with that, its impossible to explain for people that dont have any neurological issues, also the day after, while my neurological anxiety was gona, i still felt extremely uncomfortable around people, but thats where confidence comes in.
After many weeks of hanging with friends every sunday i slowly started building confidence and social skills, both are entirely seperate things, as youcan feel confident but still act akward around people which does connect to confidence in ways, as they are connected in differened ways, but not the same.
eg, the more social skills you have, the more confident you get.
Also, alcohol never removed my anxiety at all, no matter how drunk i got, even if i couldnt think at all, also ive been addicted to GHB, but from the start i knew it wasnt therapeutic for me, it made things more fun, and talking to people less akward, but it was obvious i didnt feelnormal on it, not saying it wasnt a more fun experience, atleast if i was online on my own, compared to feeling normal but extremely depressed and ****ty the day after using MDMA.
Anyway, i couldnt work out why mdma worked, with the therautic effects only, not the high lasting all the next day, one experience with amphetamine slowly led me to the conclusion it was dopamine related, which later was confirmed with selective serotonin releasers not being therautic at all, eg mdai, mdma basicly is a combination of that with amphetamine. SSRIS not working wouldnt have ment anything as the reuptake inhibition shifts balance to tonic sero activation and also their effectiveness being simular to placebo, 30% which means they are weak, not that they dont work, as the placebo effect can be as strong as the therapeutic effect, eg it being noise, placebo generally disappears after 8 months while poop out with ssris is usually reported after 5 years, so we dont know the actual effectiveness of ssris as they are never trialled longer for a longer period then 8 months.
Either way, i first wasnt sure wheter amphetamine wasnt too strong to use daily, so i tested things like AMT, its a combined sero and da releaser and sero agonist like treshold doses of psychedelics, activating some sero receptors, which makes it very effective for atypical depression, doing the opposite of meds like mirtazepine which work better for the melancholic type.
It was used as a highly effective safe antidepressant in russia for decaders untill it was banned probably because of abuse potential, the problem however was, that there is a dose effectiveness limit, in the prescribed doses, the da release was too low for remission of my symptions and going higher i didnt like the effect of too much sero release, also excessive sero activation wouldnt be ideal if it didnt have a therapeutic effect, it can be psychedelicbut you get tolerant to that effect after 2 days.
Either way, i could allways get trough the day not feeling normal, which often happened as i had a addictive personality and used a month supply of dex in a week or something, and i never ordered bigger ammounts on later periods as ive allways been a recreational drug user, so ordering enough so i could abuse it everyday is something i would never have planned ahead in the past and did, i also wasnt too sure about long term usuage so i trialled differened chemicals too like amt and 4 fluoroamphetamine etc.
Around that period i started researching memantine for tolerance, the original idea didnt come from me, i knew online one guy posting somewhere it worked for amp tolerance and he kinda put forward the idea for others sometimes in a couple of posts on a certain fora, but i saw rodent research before and was allways extremely optimistic about it.
Googling it i found a couple of anecdotes, all of which i posted in my thread about nmda antagonists for tolerance, which i started after posting this intervention in some threads, telling people it could be possible to use mantine or dxm for drug tolerance but i only got replys of people saying that it wont work as it sounds too good to be true.
So i tried to find all the possible research i could and all anecdotes, posting it all in the advanced section of bluelight in an attempt to get the more academic people to try it and get more positive anecdotes which stimulates more people to try it etc.
The results where mind blowing.
Anyway coming up is how a testosterone cycle triggered my anhedonia, which basicly is like mind torture, and no with anhedonia i dont mean being chronically bored, i talked to people online saying they had anhedonia too and like me had no other option but to take stimulants, now i see them online without being on stimulants, which i couldnt understand...they claim to still have anhedonia but if i have anhedonia i just lie in bed all die trying to keep on sleeping, causing severe body pains and stuff, but its the least horrible thing to do to get trough it, or wathing tv hoping the day and pain will be over soon.
Theres no way its possible to go sit in front a computer and actually reading about stuff or replying to people while i felt so bad, i was shocked to conclude that some people i talked too just suffered from addiction, and they addicts easily get diluded they need a certain drug or they cant function which means that i recommened amphetamine to easily to people, personally i could allways tell the difference btw euphoria or a high covering certain issues up compared to something being actually therapeutic, but in the early days i wasnt addicted to any drug yet, but afterwards when i got addicted to GHB i still noticed the difference.
Either way ever since my testosterone cycle ive been going trough extreme mental torture without stimulants, and i had no other option but to take stimulants to get trough the day. Ive allways used stims in a addictive way but i never really used them longer then a period of 2 or 3 weeks, usually 1 week at a time as i didnt have enough funds to pay for taking stims in a addictive way with the money i had, but it was possible with GBL.
Only after i triggered my severe anhedonia i got addicted to gbl as going trough the day sober was just way to hard, gbl kinda made the day fun again, and it was possible to enjoy some time with my girlfriend but there was still some anxiety there, i didnt feel normal and while i had confidence it wasnt 100% anxiety free, which for me makes it obvious gbl wasnt therapeutic at all, if confidence and social skills are no longer an issue but you still feel some anxiety around people while you feel that that isnt who you are, you can tell wheter you are naturally shy or not, then a powerfull drug wont ever be therapeutic, simple as that.
Amphetamine blew pretty much my ocd, social anxiety, most of my adhd, anhedonia completely away when i developped my confidence and social skills, while feeling like myself, eg i could talk to the people i wanted to talk to, i could act like what i felt was myself without needing to take a dose that induces anything more then mood elevation, eg 10mg dexamphetamine 3 times a day, while GBL induced euphoria.
Naltrexone could be a good test to isolate the therapeutic potential of some drugs but removing the rewarding effects trough blocking the opiate receptor.
Anyway, coming up:
Anyway, coming up:
Unable to get dex in uk leading to rc stimulant addiction
explaining that i never used any excuse to abuse stims, at first it was because i liked it and i had a addictive personality, now its more because i have to order rcs which come in powders, that makes it easy to abuse it while now im older i really prefer to use them therapeutically, i did this automatically when i ordered 4 fluoromethylphenidate in pellet form with theraeutic doses, or when i had dex for 2 weeks under a fake name here in the uK, you can only go the nearest docter, but then they noticed i used a fake adress
Exactly what the benefits where of memantine for me andin general for others for tolerance and other mental health issues
How people are individual and for some CBT is the key, others some natural supplemets can hold the anwer but this could be rcs, normal medications, addictive drugs used therapeutically, orally taken essential oils etc, everyone is individual.
I beleive that we have to look at the whole gamma of all medications, supplements, chemicals in research like NSI 198, supplements like curcumin, but finding the working ones is hard, as ppl into supplements are idiots promoting them for traditional uses which isnt any evidence, promote extremely weak crap, advise ppl that meds are bad and hand out magazines how mental health issues are caused by nutritional defiencys and other nonesense.
Examine. com is a good source for info about supplements, then we also have ppl taking meds saying most sups are weak crap and are skeptical about proven alternative medicine like homeopathy.
Point is, often for people its acombination of differened approuces, based on synergism, individual responses, neuroprotection, prevention of negatives like tolerance and more.
Why meds or supplements will never work on their own and chronic exosure, building of confidence, building social skills and things like CBT are essential for pretty much everyone.
And more, jeezes this took me long, also guys please post any questions, im planning on staying for a bit
Med~
LongeCity
