9 replies to this topic

[Iamnobodi]

A little background about me. I am 22 years old graduated from university last year, took a year out to learn a language and will now be furthering my studies in September. 

 

I am currently in the state where my mind feels blank and empty. Consequently I would rather not socialize as I really have nothing to say...I am basically the question master. It's difficult for me to come up with anything witty to say and also more importantly, to connect with people. When I speak I mostly talk without thinking. When I have nothing to say and try to think hard of what to speak mostly there is nothing. I notice how people are able to speak on the spot quickly and also tell stories from time to time. I notice I cannot do that. It's like my brain works differently. 

 

However there are times (few and far between) where I suddenly become very social and want to socialize. It kind of feels like I'm a different person. I think my friends have also noticed this difference. But it suddenly dies down again and I don't know when it comes back. And this time it seems like its not coming back. 

 

One pertinent reason comes to mind as to why I may be experiencing this:

• ​Past drug use: Marijuana off and on from 15 - 20. MDMA use 19-20. Alcohol use from 15 to present. This multi-substance abuse may have damaged my brain causing damage in working memory. And as a result damaging my thinking capacity

Other reasons I can think off:

• Low-self esteem due to insecurities, especially in regards of being a quiet person and also having low libido & ED issues. 
• I experienced left testicular swelling in March which may have caused testicular atrophy. This may have affected testosterone production causing personality changes 

 

I was particularly worried by this comment from Yahoo Answers:

 

"I had no mind no feelings as well and I totally destroyed my life. No I understand I am a psychopath, adhd and my iq is extremely low, basically conditions related to abnormal functionin of the front part of the brain responsible for all cognitive and executive functions...its not fixable, I lost my life and became a zombie...i lost work, friends, health, sanity...i don't exist for nobody any more except for my psychiatrist...check yourself on hare psychopathy scale, maybe you are that too...hopefully not...its awful" https://answers.yaho...29181636AAVtVV4

 

 

 

Is there anything I can do to fix my problem? Any supplements I can take to be sociable...and just to be normal? I see everyone around me socializing non-stop, always with something to say. Enjoying life. But I feel like a graveyard. I cannot bear being like this for the rest of my life. 

Edited by Iamnobodi, 10 June 2016 - 08:25 PM.

[megatron]

I am in the same boat as you, and I think it has a lot to do with self-esteem and confidence. Although, I am naturally a quiet person, there have been some periods of my life where my self-esteem was healthy, and during those periods I found it a lot easier talking to people. The enemy is really self-consciousness. It is nearly impossible to focus on and grasp what other people are saying, if you live inside your own head, only thinking about what to say next. At least in my case, I think there are some key reasons to my self-esteem and self-consciousness shortcomings. From nature's side I was always a pretty shy, quiet person, and I had controlling parents. From a very young age, I developed perfectionism and an all-or-nothing / black or white perspective on life and its events. The absolute worst part is the fear of failure. It is so intense. This makes life very hard. To date, I have not found a way to deal with these problems. I think the key lies within trying to improve self-esteem, as I don't think people with normal/healthy self-esteem have very large problems dealing with social situations most of the time. 

 

There's a very distinct and strange feeling I've always had though. I have always felt different from most people, like it's kind of a thin wall between me and them, not letting me fully connect with others. 

Edited by Megatrone, 10 June 2016 - 11:51 PM.

[telight]

I am in the same boat as you, and I think it has a lot to do with self-esteem and confidence. Although, I am naturally a quiet person, there have been some periods of my life where my self-esteem was healthy, and during those periods I found it a lot easier talking to people. The enemy is really self-consciousness. It is nearly impossible to focus on and grasp what other people are saying, if you live inside your own head, only thinking about what to say next. At least in my case, I think there are some key reasons to my self-esteem and self-consciousness shortcomings. From nature's side I was always a pretty shy, quiet person, and I had controlling parents. From a very young age, I developed perfectionism and an all-or-nothing / black or white perspective on life and its events. The absolute worst part is the fear of failure. It is so intense. This makes life very hard. To date, I have not found a way to deal with these problems. I think the key lies within trying to improve self-esteem, as I don't think people with normal/healthy self-esteem have very large problems dealing with social situations most of the time. 

 

There's a very distinct and strange feeling I've always had though. I have always felt different from most people, like it's kind of a thin wall between me and them, not letting me fully connect with others. 

 

Beautifully said, its almost like you described my life and the conclusions I've drawn from it thus far. I found that intense aerobic exercise and phenibut helps. Although I rarely use phenibut as I get withdrawal effects even after one small (500mg) dose.

[resveratrol_guy]

Curcubrain, Nature's Way Shiitake-Maitake Extract, and probably Cymbalta. Sorry, no time to explain, but I just wanted to give you some leads because you sound like you're in a rut. I'll leave it to others to agree or disagree with my suggestions.

[Blackkzeus]

Sounds like depression/anhedonia.

[Iamnobodi]

Depression and anhedonia does sound like what I am going through at the moment. Also I can still somewhat function - although I need to force myself to do almost everything 

 

I am considering seeing a psychiatrist but really don't want to take anti-depressants 

[psychejunkie]

Depression and anhedonia does sound like what I am going through at the moment. Also I can still somewhat function - although I need to force myself to do almost everything

I am considering seeing a psychiatrist but really don't want to take anti-depressants

Hey,

If you dont want to try SSRIs or any kind of AntiDepressants, suggest your psychiatrist to prescribe Modafinil

[megatron]

 

Depression and anhedonia does sound like what I am going through at the moment. Also I can still somewhat function - although I need to force myself to do almost everything

I am considering seeing a psychiatrist but really don't want to take anti-depressants

Hey,

If you dont want to try SSRIs or any kind of AntiDepressants, suggest your psychiatrist to prescribe Modafinil

 

 

Modafinil is probably only going to increase anxiety. At least that is what it did for me.

[psychejunkie]

 

 

Depression and anhedonia does sound like what I am going through at the moment. Also I can still somewhat function - although I need to force myself to do almost everything

I am considering seeing a psychiatrist but really don't want to take anti-depressants

Hey,

If you dont want to try SSRIs or any kind of AntiDepressants, suggest your psychiatrist to prescribe Modafinil

 

 

Modafinil is probably only going to increase anxiety. At least that is what it did for me.

 

 

People are different!

[Blackkzeus]

What you described is anhedonia.