Hey everyone. This is probably going to be my last log post in this thread because the effects of the insulin have evened out and I have stopped using the Dihexa. I was going to make consistent posts, but was not diligent enough with my journal for the effects I was experiencing from this supplement, and since my experience was consistent throughout these few months, explanations would most likely have been repetitive anyway. I've been so busy I kind of want to pull my hair out.
So, this is a full summary of the final and cumulative effects of nearly 3 months on intranasal Insulin.
First, I must address the effect it has had on my visual snow. Before I was taking the insulin, the snow was so bad I could sometimes hardly see. I would walk around in a haze, constantly dealing with the grainy, pixelated downpour that made simple tasks appear psychedelic. Not only is the visual snow a reminder of days I'd rather have behind me; it is a reminder that there is something wrong with my cognition. It is like a manifestation of my problems in an undeniable, visual form. That's probably not scientifically valid, but it is a complex that I have. Since the insulin, the snow has decreased by at least 50%. I can now go about my day normally (by visual standards at least). I can forget that I am seeing things differently than everyone else and just focus on what is in front of me. It's barely noticeable during the day, even though at night it is still pretty strong. (By night I mean dark. In the dark there is no background to dull the appearance of the visual snow.) Still, it's pretty great.
Next, my verbal fluency has improved. I have a greater ability to go into detail and think about what I am saying. Before, my mind would cut off sentences midway through because I could not remember the word that would go next, and the thought would go out the window with it. As a result, my speech was a mish mash of half finished sentences whose point never surfaced. Whether I can attribute the final improvement to Insulin or not, I can't tell you, and I'm sorry for that. I can say that my ability increased rapidly after first taking the supplement. I've experienced placebo before, so I don't think it was all placebo. Placebo only contributed a modest gain in fluency that didn't reflect in my academics or social life. This change, however, has reflected in my academics and social life.
Third, and listen to this part, because it is significant: You've probably heard anecdotes from people taking "brain healing" substances that they remember things from long ago. They remember things they didn't know they still knew. Well, that is happening to me. I didn't expect it all. Not one tiny bit. I didn't think I could still remember stuff like that, but I am. When I'm just sitting there working on something or lying in bed trying to sleep, something comes up from childhood or from my early teen years that I had not thought of since it happened. Just random snip its/miscellaneous info, usually, but sometimes I can remember an answer to a question that I didn't know I knew. It's probably a healthy, normal thing for a person to experience, so it doesn't make sense to play it up to being miraculous, especially since I'm experiencing what I'll dub "long term recall" in smaller amounts than is probably healthy and normal. But for me, it is miraculous. I feel apprehensive, even mistrustful of myself, saying that, but I really feel like it's something I wouldn't experience. So, yeah. Definitely memory enhancement. It's undeniable. My recall has improved probably.... 50% at the best moments. Still not up to 100%, but it's much better than 10% (which is where I would pin my recall from before the insulin).
Fourth, my stress response is way better. Before, my stress would escalate so badly I would be lost in my paranoid thoughts about how I couldn't anything done and how I was going to inevitably fail etc. etc. That probably seems kind of extreme but I was just really, really bad at handling my stress both in my emotional life and in my academics. Now, I wouldn't say my stress has decreased, but my ability to handle it and not fall into paranoid delusions about it has improved. I have some kind of mental disturbance from the substances I took in my youth that caused a kind of psychosis. It's not necessary to explain it, but it's probably relevant to why I handle stressful situations the way I do. Either way, my stress response has met a net improvement.
The world now seems like a more 3D place. I have more social fluency and I feel altogether better and more..... human. I still have a long way to go, but this has been a really good stepping stone for me and I am feeling flecks of reality as others feel it, which I haven't felt in a very long time. I feel like I'm back on earth with the rest of humanity at times. Not to get all esoteric, but this journey has kinda sent me to space and back. It's nice to feel like everyone else, even if it's for just one second out of every day. The feelings of dissociation from this kind of drug abuse are out of this world.
Sorry for getting all far out, haha. I'm really happy with the insulin. Oh, and please don't take my statements as some sort of evangelical evidence of a cure all. This is not a cure all, and I still have a long way to go. It's just one of the only things that has ever helped me.
Edited by Autumn Knight, 25 November 2016 - 11:33 PM.
