135 replies to this topic

[pamojja]

My first person perspective of where "I" am has physically changed!

 

.. Could I have induced brain damage?

 

... On top of that, it feels like the person looking through my eyes is not "me". !!

 

.. Also killing me, is the blank mind. No daydreaming, ability to imagine and visualize has gone. No internal chatter. I used to have a million thoughts per second in that bubble where "I" was located. That's the configuration that Quaker32 identifies with. Hence why this feels foreign and I HAVE NO IDEA WHO I AM (I know my name, factual details etc).

 

.. I had a moment of psychosis last week where I thought I was Jesus. That hasn't returned, luckily.

 

Your ability to precisely describe your symptoms in exactly the same way Buddhist onepointedness and/or insight meditation would leads to at particular points, makes me seriously doubt any brain damage. But rather a spiritual crisis, because of not being prepared at all for such things to happen.

 

 

Buddhist meditation usually as one of its first steps tries to silence the chattering mind. Once silenced - for which many practitioners need decades of dedicated practice - there are 2 benefits here and now:

 

First a pleasant abiding - since the self-limiting chatter has ceased and our ability to feel extended consciousness and bliss becomes unlimited (due to your Christian socialization hence feeling like an all-loving Jesus).

 

But secondly, and more the ultimate purpose of such meditation, the ability to directly experience reality as it arises and passes from moment to moment (without interference of our believe-systems through ceaseless internal chatter). In all it's experience-able aspects of body and mind: bodily sensations, feelings, thoughts, emotional fabrications and consciousnesses associated with each.

 

Out of this experience arises the knowledge how everything thus experienced arises and passes due to causes and effects in co-dependent manners. In it's dependence on 'out-side' factors and fickleness its utterly impermanent (anicca), therefore never able to give lasting satisfaction - but only stress in the end (dukkha), and ultimately not what could be identified with as a self, I am, or what belongs to me (anatta).

 

Which should bring about the kind of detachment and equanimity of the saints described in Buddhism, which there is considered the highest happiness possible for sentient beings.

.

Sadly, you don't have the conceptual framework to enjoy with detachment, but instead think to have to dumb it down with medications.

 

 

All I could advise in this quagmire is to direct your attention to experience the impermanence in everything. Though you won't get your old 'configuration quaker32' back - since it all was artificially made-up to begin with -  but the pain, confusion, trauma, suffering will be seen for what they are: fluctuating phenomena arising and passing due to co-dependency in an ever changing world without lasting happiness. And so much, much less overwhelming.
 

[Mind_Paralysis]

You are still describing symptoms of psychosis and depersonalisation.

 

I would up the Promethazine a bit, since that has a mild antipsychotic effect.

 

 

You need to figure out what's causing your depersonalization though - because then we can start attacking the symptoms and treating it. Have a look at these links, and tell me what you think:

 

https://en.wikipedia...personalization

 

 

It mentions how chronic stress is one of the triggers of this state, which I can relate to myself, because I experienced it to a slight degree following several passings in my family - it was a rather stressful time.

There's also mention of how this can actually be triggered through certain mind-techniques, relating to CBT - could you have triggered depersonalization and psychosis with some kind of technique?

 

https://en.wikipedia...eptive_exposure

 

Btw, I would take it easy with the benzo, lorazepam, because it also says Benzo-withdrawal can trigger depersonalization - use sparingly.

 

 

EDIT:

There's mention about DP possibly being related to low serotonin... and you have OCD-like sexual cravings, yes? Which usually go away when Serotonin is increased. I see some patterns here...

 

It's a good thing you've finally got an SSRI! = )

Edited by Stinkorninjor, 08 November 2016 - 01:41 PM.

[Quaker32]

I am still getting the feelings of the face distortions. As I said, I am currently taking sertraline and fish oil. I have been told to not exceed more than 50mg of promethazine a day.

 

I am only taking the lorazepam when I need to. I haven't taken much of it and its been over a week since i last took it. 

 

The wiki DP thing looks as I expected it to be. I have contacted a centre for dislocation and trauma and will next speak to them on Monday. The psychiatrist has also sent off a referral letter for psychological help but it could be a while before the help comes. If my DP was caused by organic causes then the medication should sort it out. I have had DP and DR before but not like this. "I" am completely different....as if the DP has gone much deeper than before. Previously, a sense of self and identity was always maintained. I am currently inclined to believe that the trauma and stress outlined in my original post has caused this. 

 

On top of this, I was taking L-Mag T for 1.5 month, and roughly 0.5g iboga TA just over a month ago (spread out over a few days). I cannot say for sure, but I remember on the last day I took L-Mag T, I woke up and felt like my ENTIRE memory recall of this entire year and "sense of connectedness" had been removed.

 

What is really disturbing me is the lack of spontaneous thoughts, awful memory recall and general emptiness of the mind. A google search revealed a thread on this site about a girl who took iboga TA and had an extreme mind blankness. I really cannot fucking live like this. It's as if somebody has removed my personality and intelligence. I am now freaking out, that I am going to be stuck like this! 

 

http://www.longecity...nbrain-changes/ (her thread)

 

This is why I struggle to see how this is spiritual. Dulling your negative self-talk - fine. But a crude removal of thought and imagination - not good. 

 

Where to go from here? I don't want to take random supplements and be my own psychiatrist (to mess things up  further), but I am desperate. 

 

EDIT: seen these, got them all. had the tinnitus from my original "mind break' incident. 

 

Here are some other side effects of NMDA antagonism that I experienced, do you have any of these?

-A strange ringing/buzzing noise coming from inside your head, you can only hear it when the room is silent.
-Extremely stabilized mood, any emotions quickly return to baseline
-Extreme feelings of empathy for people even when not appropriate (e.g. Sympathy for the devil)
-No chatter in the head, no daydreaming, difficult to visualize anything or engage in thought, strain to recall memories (these are all what I call 'blank mind')
-(not sure if this one is NMDA antagonism or one of iboga's serotonergic effects) Music seems to play faster than normal

 

Edited by Quaker32, 09 November 2016 - 08:52 PM.

[Quaker32]

sorry, I'm having a moment, but i really cannot fucking believe i am in this state. properly regret the l-mag t because even though i was in trouble before, I'm sure its all got worse. i took my exams in june and could still think. in this state, i literally have a permanent blank mind.  

Edited by Quaker32, 09 November 2016 - 09:05 PM.

[Mind_Paralysis]

I am still getting the feelings of the face distortions. As I said, I am currently taking sertraline and fish oil. I have been told to not exceed more than 50mg of promethazine a day.

 

I am only taking the lorazepam when I need to. I haven't taken much of it and its been over a week since i last took it. 

 

The wiki DP thing looks as I expected it to be. I have contacted a centre for dislocation and trauma and will next speak to them on Monday. The psychiatrist has also sent off a referral letter for psychological help but it could be a while before the help comes. If my DP was caused by organic causes then the medication should sort it out. I have had DP and DR before but not like this. "I" am completely different....as if the DP has gone much deeper than before. Previously, a sense of self and identity was always maintained. I am currently inclined to believe that the trauma and stress outlined in my original post has caused this. 

 

On top of this, I was taking L-Mag T for 1.5 month, and roughly 0.5g iboga TA just over a month ago (spread out over a few days). I cannot say for sure, but I remember on the last day I took L-Mag T, I woke up and felt like my ENTIRE memory recall of this entire year and "sense of connectedness" had been removed.

 

What is really disturbing me is the lack of spontaneous thoughts, awful memory recall and general emptiness of the mind. A google search revealed a thread on this site about a girl who took iboga TA and had an extreme mind blankness. I really cannot fucking live like this. It's as if somebody has removed my personality and intelligence. I am now freaking out, that I am going to be stuck like this! 

 

http://www.longecity...nbrain-changes/ (her thread)

 

This is why I struggle to see how this is spiritual. Dulling your negative self-talk - fine. But a crude removal of thought and imagination - not good. 

 

Where to go from here? I don't want to take random supplements and be my own psychiatrist (to mess things up  further), but I am desperate. 

 

EDIT: seen these, got them all. had the tinnitus from my original "mind break' incident. 

 

Here are some other side effects of NMDA antagonism that I experienced, do you have any of these?

-1. A strange ringing/buzzing noise coming from inside your head, you can only hear it when the room is silent.
-2. Extremely stabilized mood, any emotions quickly return to baseline
-3. Extreme feelings of empathy for people even when not appropriate (e.g. Sympathy for the devil)
-4. No chatter in the head, no daydreaming, difficult to visualize anything or engage in thought, strain to recall memories (these are all what I call 'blank mind')
-5. (not sure if this one is NMDA antagonism or one of iboga's serotonergic effects) Music seems to play faster than normal

 

1. Yes, but only to an extremely small extent.

 

2. No. The stabilizing effect was much, much weaker for me - I noticed it, but not even near enough. And I took TWICE your dosage, for about two weeks more.

 

3. No.

 

4. No - I kept blanking out, SCT-style. No effect on such symptoms - quite  a bit of daydreaming.

 

5. No.

 

 

Also, again, I'm reiterating, I took twice your dosage. Double.

 

Now, this may be a difference in the natural activity in our NMDA-networks - if you have a naturally suppressed NMDA-network, from some kind of schizotypy, then I can see how a mild NMDA-antagonist would have more dramatic effects - us ADHD-types though, in us there are signs pointing towards increased NMDA-activity, causing some of the symptoms.

 

 

Regarding DP - I take it you agree now that your symptoms could be related to depersonalisation?

 

Do you agree about some kind of psychotic episode as well?

 

 

I just checked for treatments of DP and the pickings are slim... BUT...! There IS some hope! : D
 

Evidence-based treatment for Depersonalisation-derealisation Disorder (DPRD)

https://bmcpsycholog.../2050-7283-1-20

 

Lamotrigine.

 

Seems to have SOME effect, at least.

[Quaker32]

I didn't disagree that I have symptoms related to depersonalisation or psychotic episode, but I am just being very careful to follow the opinion of the doctors and not my own so much.

 

But we can agree now that this is what I am facing. 

 

I think we must have very different NMDA systems. I have always been sensitive to alcohol and ketamine when I used to take drugs. Did you read that ibogaine mind blank thread? Should I take anything to undo the NMDA antagonism from the L-Mag T, like D-serine or glycine? What do people think.....would it even be worth that?

 

I suspect that in the case of lamotrigine, the doctors will only prescribe it after we have tried everything. When I spoke to them last week, they said that they are not averse to trying different medications int he particular treatment unit I am currently under, but they have a systematic approach to things. They are considering trying a low dose antipsychotic if the sertraline fails for anxiety. It's just that antipsychotic use for anxiety in the UK is not first-line recommended anymore. 

 

Whereas in the past I would not have been so keen on medication, I feel it is absolutely imperative that I get the right medications and therapy now. I don't even mind being on more than one med, as long as it helps and works. 

 

thanks for the help.

 

(PS: I am also taking iron tablets from the doctor). 

 

 

[Mind_Paralysis]

I didn't disagree that I have symptoms related to depersonalisation or psychotic episode, but I am just being very careful to follow the opinion of the doctors and not my own so much.

 

But we can agree now that this is what I am facing. 

 

I think we must have very different NMDA systems. I have always been sensitive to alcohol and ketamine when I used to take drugs. Did you read that ibogaine mind blank thread? Should I take anything to undo the NMDA antagonism from the L-Mag T, like D-serine or glycine? What do people think.....would it even be worth that?

 

I suspect that in the case of lamotrigine, the doctors will only prescribe it after we have tried everything. When I spoke to them last week, they said that they are not averse to trying different medications int he particular treatment unit I am currently under, but they have a systematic approach to things. They are considering trying a low dose antipsychotic if the sertraline fails for anxiety. It's just that antipsychotic use for anxiety in the UK is not first-line recommended anymore. 

 

Whereas in the past I would not have been so keen on medication, I feel it is absolutely imperative that I get the right medications and therapy now. I don't even mind being on more than one med, as long as it helps and works. 

 

thanks for the help.

 

(PS: I am also taking iron tablets from the doctor). 

 

I don't think it would be worth it with D-serine or Glycine, I think you need the big guns.

 

Lamotrigine is where it's at.

 

Now, if you want to trial it, I would go straight to your Doctor and tell them that you have seen studies wherein Lamotrigine was the only compound that showed effect on your symptoms, and if they don't want to prescribe it, you will simply get it from the black market.

 

Be harsh - be determined. Show them you mean business.

 

And if they still say no, then we'll look at obtaining it from online sources. (I think I know one or two...)

[pamojja]

 

I think I am going insane and I have never heard other cases of this

 

At least now you know this is quite common with serious meditation practitioners. And that the vast majority come out of such a spiritual crisis/psychosis on the other end much more matured, without any medications. Or their long-term unwanted side-effects and dependencies.

 

[Quaker32]

I went to them saying that I have seen studies showing the effectiveness of naltrexone and the doctors gave me their reply about being systematic etc....

 

I am due for a medication review next week, so let's see what happens. One of my biggest concerns is how bad my memory and cognition is at the moment. This is scary. I want to go into academia. No bloody chance, at this rate.

 

I am glad that we have a variety of opinions in this thread. Do people know about other cases of these meditation (or spiritual) - induced problems? What happened to them? 

 

Well, its good knowing that other people have had this problem, but its not a huge amount of solace whilst I'm in this state. Of course though, I appreciate people who are keeping this thread going. 

[pamojja]

I am glad that we have a variety of opinions in this thread. Do people know about other cases of these meditation (or spiritual) - induced problems? What happened to them?

 

There is a whole book with the title 'Spiritual Emergencies' by Stanislaf Grof.

 

A quick search brought up this video, though the interviewer seems a bid too new agey, it's from the UK:

 

 

[Quaker32]

My depersonalisation has got worse today. I have gone unto 100mg sertraline two days ago. When I speak, it doesn't feel like I am speaking or am even real. I got more of that "unitive experience" of feeling like I am merging with reality and everything around me. I have found a spiritual emergency UK number. I will call them on Monday. I really hope that my psychological support comes soon. This is awful. 

 

 

[oolongmonkey]

http://www.dpselfhel...of-curing-dpdr/

 

Do this over and over and over

[Quaker32]

I was at the unit today. I am taking two scoops of protein powder every day with water. That will give me about 2g of serine in, plus other amino acids. I will see how I feel and may continue/discontinue. I also saw more evidence for lamotrigine (http://apt.rcpsych.o...2/92.full#ref-3). Let's see how this plays out. I am due to meet the psychiatrist again soon. I told them my DP/DR got worse over the weekend but I am not sure if the nurse today really believed me! Just that kind of vibe.

 

If I do not feel better off the sertraline alone I will make absolutely sure to tell the doctor when I see her next. She may recommend an antipsychotic based off previous conversations, but I haven't seen amazing things about antipsychotics and DP disorder. Seems like SSRI plus lamotrigine is the way to go.

 

I think we are not just dealing with the original incident in this thread (the mind break thing), but now also damage done from the L-MagT. I'm fucking sure that pushed everything over the edge and got severe problems off it. Seems almost ridiculous to belle that magnesium could do this but hey, if it has strong NMDA antagonist activity then anything is possible in someone who may be susceptible. Don't forget just around that time, I ingested iboga as well. That is said to have NMDA activity as well.

 

pray for me guys.

 

thanks,

quaker.

[Connor MacLeod]

Sorry that you are going through this, Quaker32. May I ask how old you are? It seems plausible that the magnesium and ibogaine have something to do with this. Anyway, give yourself time. It may take a while, but I think your brain will heal and over time return to normal. I went through a rough spot when I was younger, around 18 or so. Not really similar to what you're experiencing, but still pretty rough. It took me 2-3 years to get through that, with the first 8 months being really intense. During that period in my life I just took a simple job, got regular exercise, swam in the ocean a lot, and hung out with good people. Eventually things mellowed out and then passed away. The years following that were some of the happiest and most productive of my life.

Edited by Connor MacLeod, 15 November 2016 - 05:50 AM.

[oolongmonkey]

Let me know if the Iboga does anything for you.  Are you micro dosing or are you taking a full "trip"

 

[Quaker32]

I am 24 years old.

 

No, I have taken the iboga already and believe it has contribtued to the problem. I am not taking it again! I micro dosed it. Right now, the only way I can describe it is like having no thoughts and nothing going on in my head. Like somebody has turned my mind off. On top of that, I can't experience any emotions at all. It's like I exist in a state of perpetual oneness - except this is not spiritual. I would caution with iboga - again just because its a natural plant doesn't mean it can't cause issues. 

 

 

[Valor5]

The mind toggles between things like desire, thoughts, emotions and will all day long. In the morning when you get up and are well rested you usually in a healthy person feel inspired and cognizant of what is relevant important etcetera in your life. The question for you is how do you feel, what are your thoughts like, in the morning just getting up before breakfast? How do you feel, thoughts, at the end of the day in comparison? If there is a difference and a great difference it could mean exhaustion of the crippling kind.

Edited by Valor5, 15 November 2016 - 10:59 AM.

[Quaker32]

sorry, i don't understand you valour. could you re-explain that please?

 

(also it seems that iboga has some NMDA antagonist activity as well (and maybe one of its metabolites. found out about that today from looking at threads). 

 

got an odd sensation that i am half outside of my body, to the right hand side and my head just feels weird (along the lines of these strange perceptions). i am doing my best to distract myself. I will mention all of this to the doctor on friday. 

 

If anybody has any recommendations or tips of approaching that conversation, I am all ears. I had a chat with a girl I saw from the the unit today.....she expressed having a similar problem whereby the more articulately she explains something and with greater insight, the more she got kind of ignored by the system. not to judge these individuals at all, but the ones that seem to get the attention and allocation of resources are the ones who shout a bit and put up a bit of a fuss. 

[Valor5]

I will try to re-explain. My main point in the previous post is how functional are you in the morning vs. the evening.

 

Do you feel, see, think or others who observe you that your behaviour may be odd, eccentric, strange than before your experience? It seems what you are experiencing is causing you to perceive yourself differently and is uncomfortable. Do others say anything to you about your behaviours? You are well able to communicate and understand, read and write and obviously reason things out and ask for help or have any of your previous abilities been diminished? You are now taking the sertraline but it seems as if it really is not helping with the "odd sensations". My main point really is just to ask if you feel the inclination to oddities or eccentricities after this "experience"? Oddities can manifest themselves perhaps because of organic or psychological factors. For example people with Touretts who have no impulse control and say whatever. Or some people, I forget the condition who stick out their tongues in a bizarre way as if uncontrollably.  Or religious fanatics who speak in "tongues" etc.

 

Of course you don't have to share your answers. I understand this is very personal. 

[Quaker32]

I had oddities and strangeness before my experience. People said I was "unique". But I liked it - it was a character quirk and part of who I was. I didn't really have a problem with that.

 

My mum has said that my personality has changed after my experience. Nobody has explicitly said anything to me, other than my mum and a comment from my dad, but there again people haven't seen me - I have hardly had social contact with previous friends in recent times. Also, I am adapt at putting a mask on over my problems. 

 

I had paranormal experiences and stuff like that before.......but what I am going through now is totally alien. I can't relate to this in ANY way at all. It feels like I am in a new reality. 

 

I hope that I have not had organic damage - that sounds unfixable :(

[Quaker32]

Also,  I saw the doctor today and told them things were getting worse. She wanted to increase my sertraline to150mg daily and I said I will think about it. I am currently on 100mg. 

 

I gave her the paper entitled "understanding and treating depersonalisation disorder". I printed it off for her and was adamant that she read it. 

 

Things haven't progressed much, but I am glad that she will read it and hopefully this opens up the door to trying other medications as opposed to just going round the SSRI hamster wheel. 

 

About 3 weeks ago now, when I first met her, I didn't mention he fact that I took ibogaine at home. I regret not telling her as it may have altered the treatment approach. It is true that I have not taken other drugs recreationally for several years now. I only did this because I was craving sex and porn so badly. 

 

I want to tell her now but I am worried it will break the trust barrier. I don't know. 

 

Stink, did you find anything about NMDA antagonism and tinnitus? First thing Monday, I will call the Dr and ask for a check for any physical damage. 

[Mind_Paralysis]

Also,  I saw the doctor today and told them things were getting worse. She wanted to increase my sertraline to150mg daily and I said I will think about it. I am currently on 100mg. 

 

I gave her the paper entitled "understanding and treating depersonalisation disorder". I printed it off for her and was adamant that she read it. 

 

Things haven't progressed much, but I am glad that she will read it and hopefully this opens up the door to trying other medications as opposed to just going round the SSRI hamster wheel. 

 

About 3 weeks ago now, when I first met her, I didn't mention he fact that I took ibogaine at home. I regret not telling her as it may have altered the treatment approach. It is true that I have not taken other drugs recreationally for several years now. I only did this because I was craving sex and porn so badly. 

 

I want to tell her now but I am worried it will break the trust barrier. I don't know. 

 

Stink, did you find anything about NMDA antagonism and tinnitus? First thing Monday, I will call the Dr and ask for a check for any physical damage. 

 

Thanks to Atomoxetine I just had a check, and yes, there definitely is a connection.

 

However... it would appear, as if NMDA-antagonism is actually proposed to be CURATIVE of Tinnitus??

 

Tinnitus: pathology of synaptic plasticity at the cellular and system levels

https://www.ncbi.nlm...les/PMC3297194/

 

Auditory AMPA and NMDA-receptors are apparently linked to signalling, and NMDA-receptors in particular is being looked at as a mode of attack to dampen the sounds.

 

There IS one possibility though...

 

Maladaptive plasticity in tinnitus-triggers, mechanisms and treatment

https://www.ncbi.nlm...les/PMC4895692/

 

Emotional and attentional state may play a role in tinnitus development and maintenance via top-down mechanisms. Thus, military in combat are particularly at risk due to combined hearing loss, somatosensory system disturbances and emotional stress.

 

 

Magnesium-L-Threonate enhances memory and neuroplasticity, both memory-consolidation and maladaptive neuroplasticity is implicated in some of the mechanisms behind tinnitus.

 

It should also be noted that there is a connection between anxiety and memory, so I'm seeing some connections here....

[Quaker32]

A few days before I totally stopped taking MagT, I was getting very severe visual changes. Everything in my environment looked chunky, fat and really bright like it was totally drenched in colour. Do you have any idea why that might be? At the time, I was commuting to the city, so it was particularly noticeable. I remember lying in my bed and I half of my visual field had been totally obscured!!!! Awful. I read in an old thread on Longevity concerning l mag-t, that it might induce visual changes in some people, but the poster never gave an explanation as to why that might be the case.

 

The doctor wants to move me upto 150mg sertraline. I felt the sertaline kick in yesterday. I had a bad moment yesterday and had to take 2mg lorazepam. Bit scared about going up.

 

I am seeing a new doctor on friday and no longer seeing the one who has been handling me so far. This is potentially good news - the doctor I have been seeing irritated me anyway. 

 

Some of my cravings related to my addiction have returned. 

 

I will tell the new doctor about the iboga and bring in the MagT as well. Enough fucking around. 

 

 

 

 

[Mind_Paralysis]

A few days before I totally stopped taking MagT, I was getting very severe visual changes. Everything in my environment looked chunky, fat and really bright like it was totally drenched in colour. Do you have any idea why that might be? At the time, I was commuting to the city, so it was particularly noticeable. I remember lying in my bed and I half of my visual field had been totally obscured!!!! Awful. I read in an old thread on Longevity concerning l mag-t, that it might induce visual changes in some people, but the poster never gave an explanation as to why that might be the case.

 

The doctor wants to move me upto 150mg sertraline. I felt the sertaline kick in yesterday. I had a bad moment yesterday and had to take 2mg lorazepam. Bit scared about going up.

 

I am seeing a new doctor on friday and no longer seeing the one who has been handling me so far. This is potentially good news - the doctor I have been seeing irritated me anyway. 

 

Some of my cravings related to my addiction have returned. 

 

I will tell the new doctor about the iboga and bring in the MagT as well. Enough fucking around. 

 

Agreed - if you really have NMDA-hypersensitivity of some kind, then he needs to know - maybe he knows of similar cases?

 

Somewhat curious that you are starting to experience your cravings on the higher dosages... or perhaps not - Sertraline actually has a slight effect on DOPAMINE at higher dosages - so that might be a reason, it's also generally considered to cause LESS sexual dysfunction than Paroxetine. (which would be bad, in your case)

 

Also, do NOT forget to tell your new Doctor about Sertraline giving you cravings, and that you noticed less such issues while on Paroxetine, and that you had a GOOD response to that drug - then he may change you back to Paroxetine and the cravings will go away again.

 

I seriously think you need Lamotrigine - try to get it as an adjunct to low-dose Paroxetine.

 

Just be as adamant as you can - don't yield until you get at least one of the two medications: Paroxetine and / or Lamotrigine.

[Quaker32]

thanks for the help. the only reason i didn't like paroxetine when i took it was because it killed my erections (penis was dead) and enhanced the visual effect of everything appearing super bright in my environment.

 

it seems like some people on Longevity know more about things or at the least, seem to think in a different way than psychiatrists. let's hope the next one i see is "with it" a bit more. 

 

however i think, as you said, it is super vital to be clear about everything that has happened and the medications/drugs i have taken. I'm going to write it down tomorrow. 

 

why do you think i need low-dose lamotrigine (curious)? 

 

thanks

just to think all of this could have been avoided if my university doctor has given me naltrexone a year and a half ago! my addiction may have been curbed and the prostitute experience would not have happened, then no 12-step or religious brainwashing etc..... fuck it makes me want to punch the guy!

 

i will absolutely tell the new doctor that i asked for it, but my doctor at the time didn't give it. seems like i have been very unlucky and got some bad doctors. this guy was generally rude and arrogant anyway....he even swore in one of my sessions. not very professional is it. 

Edited by Quaker32, 23 November 2016 - 09:34 PM.

[Mind_Paralysis]

thanks for the help. the only reason i didn't like paroxetine when i took it was because it killed my erections (penis was dead) and enhanced the visual effect of everything appearing super bright in my environment.

 

it seems like some people on Longevity know more about things or at the least, seem to think in a different way than psychiatrists. let's hope the next one i see is "with it" a bit more. 

 

however i think, as you said, it is super vital to be clear about everything that has happened and the medications/drugs i have taken. I'm going to write it down tomorrow. 

 

why do you think i need low-dose lamotrigine (curious)? 

 

thanks

just to think all of this could have been avoided if my university doctor has given me naltrexone a year and a half ago! my addiction may have been curbed and the prostitute experience would not have happened, then no 12-step or religious brainwashing etc..... fuck it makes me want to punch the guy!

 

i will absolutely tell the new doctor that i asked for it, but my doctor at the time didn't give it. seems like i have been very unlucky and got some bad doctors. this guy was generally rude and arrogant anyway....he even swore in one of my sessions. not very professional is it. 

 

No prob's man, no prob's - just hope something I say will help. = )

 

I don't think I know necessarily *more* than the Dr.s btw - I do know slightly different things, and I do *think* differently from most Dr's - I'm less rigid in my thinking, but that's a general difference in my perception of reality, from most people - most likely has to do with the ADHD and SCT which I suffer from - they alter my perception of reality from mainline humanity - for good and for bad, it should be noted - not always an asset, at all.
 

I was unclear in my last post btw - I meant low-dose Paroxetine - since that's all you need to dampen the cravings. I actually think you might need HIGH dose Lamotrigine! You've got serious issues, no time for bloody half-measures.

[Quaker32]

I couldn't see my psychiatrist thinking about giving me NMDA agonists and stuff like that. That's what I meant. In some respects, you probably do know more. But I have been around psychiatrists involved in research briefly (in a social setting, not a clinical one), and they were more likely to think outside the box, always thinking about new treatments, new receptors to tinker with etc.... 

 

What is your rationale for the high dose lamotrigine? Is it from that research paper you sent me about depersonalisation (the meta-analysis one i think?). And/Or any other reasons? I just wan't to be crystal clear.

 

Today I was wondering if naltrexone or opioid antagonist would help? Something you had said about punishment being mediated through k agonism? Of course it is hideously more complicated than that, but it's a start. Anyway, I dunno. 

 

thanks stink

[Mind_Paralysis]

My thinking with the Lamotrigine is mostly that you shouldn't give up on it too soon - don't rule out that you may need a high dose. It's the best option you've got at the moment - fairly well-studied and easy to come by with a subscription.

 

That said, I read a bit more about about the theoretical mechanism behind DP... seems like it has to do with a glutamate-spike at OTHER glutamate-receptors, as a result of NMDA-antagonism - rather interesting stuff. Perhaps we can find more info regarding specific mechanisms to lower overall glutamatergic activity? Might be some way to put you on an extreme diet... something which causes global glutamate down-regulation... hmm...

Edited by Stinkorninjor, 24 November 2016 - 11:19 AM.

[PeaceAndProsperity]

At least you have professional people that are actually willing to work with you on your symptoms and not just give you a social label.

I would be interested in your results from opioid receptor antagonists if you decide to try any.

[Quaker32]

It doesn't feel that way to me, but I won't stop until I find somebody who will work with me. The support workers at the unit I was at have been great, but the doctors not so good. I suppose doctors vary though don't they. 

 

Lamotrigine reversed ketamine-induced dislocation in one study....do you think it would work if the dislocation is Magnesium induced (magnesium obviously being the endogenous blocking molecule in the NMDA receptor? I don't understand the neuroscience behind that. Anyway, if there is a hint that it might work, then it is surely worth trying in my opinion.