139 replies to this topic

[dreamedm]

Usually happens from DP/DR. Has anyone recovered from this?

 

Other devastating symptoms that coexist with this:

 

-no sense of self - no one “leading”
-objective perception
-timelessness
-living almost completely presently as no wants/excitement for future
-no analytical thought/judgement during interactions
-no frame of reference
-no opinions/preferences
-loss of external attachments
-everything/everyone feels unfamiliar due to loss of connection to memories
-poor memory, specifically affective memory
-blank mind/inner monologue - no “drifting off” in thought or getting distracted in an interested manner
-poor sleep quality
-no excitement - nothing to be excited for
-no deep emotions
-drive for life falling away
-no aspirations
-sense of mourning these abilities/life before this

[jaiho]

Yep. this is a deep depression.

I noticed it all came back after a 5 day ketamine session. Then maintained treatment with an SSRI + Nortriptyline.

You should probably start with therapy, along with medications. If that doesn't do it, seek a psychiatrist that specialises in treatment resistant cases.

[dreamedm]

Yep. this is a deep depression.

I noticed it all came back after a 5 day ketamine session. Then maintained treatment with an SSRI + Nortriptyline.

You should probably start with therapy, along with medications. If that doesn't do it, seek a psychiatrist that specialises in treatment resistant cases.

 

 

Are you sure this is simply a deep depression? Because I think it's Depersonalization - I feel totally disconnected from my mind and from everyone else. I was "fighting" my thoughts and emotions for a few hours in bed one morning, until my mind/psyche got tired of fighting and decided to disconnect/dissociate. Then my mind just went silent.

 

How are medications supposed to help bring my "self" back, since that is what seems to be missing here.

[jaiho]

Depersonalization is caused by severe anxiety, and blank mind / no emotions/ inner monologue is a definitely an anhedonia symptom of major depression.

If you goto a psychiatrist and tell them your symptoms, they may well agree.

Check out the DP/DR forums, you'll see people who have fully recovered on medications like Cymbalta + Geodon (SNRI + Anti psychotic)

Like this guy http://www.dpselfhel...of-chronic-dpd/

They bring back the self via treating the depression. Don't read much into the Internet on psychiatric drugs. They definitely work.

 

Good luck

[MichaelTheAnhedonic]

Are you too indifferent to almost everything?

[dreamedm]

Thanks jaiho, I guess maybe I should continue with the Remeron that my pdoc prescribed me. However, I read that some people get the blank mind/no emotions simply from DP, whether it was from stress or a bad drug trip. They weren't depressed prior to the DP, so I'm not sure if it's simply anhedonia or just a severe case of DP (although I was depressed and "fighting" my mind before this blankness and complete disconnect from everyone set in).

 

@Michael: totally, I feel like I have no emotions at all. I feel like I don't even have a "self" anymore, which is probably attributable to the DP.

[MichaelTheAnhedonic]

So... welcome to the "club". 5 years in it. 

[dreamedm]

So... welcome to the "club". 5 years in it. 

 

That's awful. Have you been trialing medications and has there been any relief? Do you exercise and eat healthy? I hear those things can help.

[MichaelTheAnhedonic]

I've tried some meds. The only relief I've got was from Ritalin. I don't exercise and I don't eat healthy. I don't have enough will power to do it. 

[jaiho]

Thanks jaiho, I guess maybe I should continue with the Remeron that my pdoc prescribed me. However, I read that some people get the blank mind/no emotions simply from DP, whether it was from stress or a bad drug trip. They weren't depressed prior to the DP, so I'm not sure if it's simply anhedonia or just a severe case of DP (although I was depressed and "fighting" my mind before this blankness and complete disconnect from everyone set in).

 

@Michael: totally, I feel like I have no emotions at all. I feel like I don't even have a "self" anymore, which is probably attributable to the DP.

 

Remeron is good to start with. If you dont get sufficient response in a couple months, see if your pdoc can add an SNRI to it. (Effexor/Cymbalta/Pristiq)

That will turn the combo into the famous California rocket fuel

http://mentalhealthd...ne-combination/

[dreamedm]

Thanks jaiho, my pdoc was already mentioning about possibly adding Zoloft if Remeron doesn't work by itself. I'm a bit scared though, taking 2 - let alone 1 - antidepressants and possibly causing further damage to my brain. Again, I'm not sure how it will help my DP and get my sense of "self" back, unless you're saying that by treating the underlying depression it may help. I'm still unsure about whether to go completely off meds or keep giving things a try.

 

You're saying you had the "blank mind" too? Did you feel totally disconnected from yourself and others? Emotionally "flat" and like your brain was silent? Did you have DP?

Edited by dreamedm, 30 December 2016 - 12:33 AM.

[jaiho]

Yep. I had all your symptoms, and talked to many others who share it.

No feelings, emotions, its like you've lost your soul. That's a severe depression.

Smash it as soon as you can, its best to have an aggressive approach with this condition. Two meds wont damage your brain, it's actually rejuvenating it from the depression's grip.

It'll take time obviously, finding the right cocktail, doses, keep up with therapy. 

Just dont go off the treatment or you'll be back where you started.

 

[dreamedm]

Thanks jaiho. I've had anhedonia before, but I still had a sense of "self" and sensed time passing by. Now I just feel this void and "silence" in my brain, and as though there is no time - like I'm stuck in one and the same moment, wherever I am. Did you have the timelessness feeling too? Also, did you have DP or just major depression? Because I believe the symptoms I wrote about are more to do with DP and the resulting sense of "no self."

[jaiho]

It's a gradual decline into a more severe form of the condition.

For me when i first got it, i was tired, no DP, no anhedonia, then i got DP, then a year later it changed to anhedonia, then the final stage was blank mind/ no imagination/no emotions.

Its continually evolving and shutting down your neurotransmission.

This is what happens when depression continues to get worse.

 

The treatment for DP, Anxiety & severe depression are quite similar. resistant cases need broad spectrum.

[dreamedm]

It's a gradual decline into a more severe form of the condition.

For me when i first got it, i was tired, no DP, no anhedonia, then i got DP, then a year later it changed to anhedonia, then the final stage was blank mind/ no imagination/no emotions.

Its continually evolving and shutting down your neurotransmission.

This is what happens when depression continues to get worse.

 

The treatment for DP, Anxiety & severe depression are quite similar. resistant cases need broad spectrum.

 

You may be right. For me it felt like a gradual erosion of the "self." I felt more and more "merged" with my surroundings and less and less like "myself." Was it like that for you too?

 

I kept "fighting" my mind until one morning I lay there experiencing strong negative thoughts and emotions, until my mind suddenly went blank/silent. Since then I feel completely disconnected even from my parents and from myself. Like I no longer have a self/personality. Also my brain no longer feels any stimulation. I can be in a crowd of people, but my brain feels nothing - no stimulation, no emotion. Like I'm not even there anymore - like I've just become this state of awareness/consciousness - an observer, rather than a participant.

 

Was this how you experienced it as well?

[jaiho]

Yep exactly the same. Disconnected from the environment. You no longer feel its ambience, or the emotional feeling of say, an airport, or a marketplace as being full of people & alive.

Complete disconnection. That's deep depression & anxiety.

[MichaelTheAnhedonic]

And that constant feeling of enormous boredom. You can't even think what you can do to feel better. FFS.

[sentics]

i too suffer from all those symptoms, stemming from childhood trauma.

 

I have gotten temporary relief from Low Dose Psilocybin and from Ketamine; 

Ketamine stopped working very quickly but I still wanna go back and try the LDP, the return of feelings that I experienced was simply amazing, of course I'd have to get rid off my SNRI (Effexor) first ...

 

another combo that worked for some time was Zoloft + NSI-189 + big doses of a natural compound called Relora - it's relaxing and has strong anti-cortisol properties, thereby helping with HPA-Axis Repair. apparently a lot of people who suffer from emotional trauma  have a dysfunctional hpa-axis, so it might be worthwhile to also focus on that aspect.

 

my next pharmacological endeavour will be combining my current daytime-ad Effexor with amitriptyline ... do you think that one would work, jiaho? (I know, you think effexor+mirtazapin would be the better combo, but I've tried that one and it only did so much, and I'd much prefer to have nortriptyline but it's not obtainable for me, residing in austria)

 

or to try and add abilify ... I've also heard about some success stories of lamictal, but that one gives me insomnia

 

it's very hard for me to make up my mind about an antidepressant and stick with it, i get disillusioned so quickly and i always get strong side effects;

 

effexor and zyprexa, for example, also seemed to work somewhat but the sugar cravings were insane so i stopped one week in. i strongly belief in a healthy gut being essential for dealing with anxiety and all that sugar just messed my gut flora up.

 

Good Luck to you and listen to jiaho, he seems to be in the know concerning anhedonia

[dreamedm]

Thanks for the post, sentics.

 

My issue doesn't seem to be simply anhedonia, however. It's more of a complete loss/disconnection of "self." I've had anhedonia before, but I still had my "self," my inner voice/monologue was still present. Now my mind is always "silent" and blank, like I've completely dissociated from my self/ego/mind. I believe this is severe DP. Do you also have that? It's like I walk around like a ghost, just this constant awareness. I feel stuck in an eternal, timeless moment of void/nothingness. No emotions, no feelings, I seem to have completely dissociated from myself and my own mind. I truly do hope meds can fix this and bring my self/inner voice back, but I don't know how they'd do that.

 

I was thinking of trying ketamine infusion therapy, as well, but again - I'm not sure this is mere depression - it's like a completely blank state, just conscious awareness.

[psychejunkie]

Hi

 

too much NMDA activity;

try Memantine 5 mg/day

 

Bye

[Quaker32]

hang on, NMDA antagonists can make dissociation worse, be careful with that. i think things like ketamine infusion therapy should be used as a last resort. 

[dreamedm]

I was thinking of trying ketamine infusion therapy, but I don't know how it would bring my "self" and inner voice/monologue back.

 

It's supposed to work great for depression, but it's also a dissociative - not sure it would work for someone who's already dissociated.

[Quaker32]

exactly my thinking. it could work, but i would not chance taking fucking ketamine in this state!

 

i don't want to sound overly negative, but i think my sertraline is not helping me and maybe even making things worse. and sertraline is a well-known popular medicine even given by GPs, so what the f**** could ketamine do? i would literally die if i went on a trip right now.

 

the antidepressant combination might work great for you tho dreamedm. or an antipsychotic? and then therapy for DP/DR might be of help too. 

 

dude, as i write this, i KNOW something is not right. like a part of my self or whatever is just fucking missing. its missing from the conversation that i have in my head. or used to have for the first 23 yrs of my life. its so uncomfortable and strange. 

[dreamedm]

Still not sure how medication would bring the "self" back, and meds hardly treat DP/DR as far as I know. I'm also wary and scared about getting worse from meds, so I'm really not sure about what to do - continue trying meds or try to get through this on my own.

 

I know about the uncomfortable and strange feeling, it's there practically 24/7. I'm trying to keep my sanity and stay out of the hospital at this point. This state of being (or non-state) gives me feelings of deep depression sometimes and I'm not sure if it's simply a reaction to this state or is a standalone issue. If it's a reaction to the DP/DR, then I don't see how meds can help unless they treat the DP/DR itself (unlikely, from what I understand).

 

I do take a small amount of klonopin (benzo) practically daily - sometimes it helps a bit to take the edge off, although it may not be a good solution in the long run.

[psychejunkie]

Memantine increases day dreaming and inner dialogue and its not a f***ing strong NMDA antagonist like Ketamine!

But if you feel dissociated or depersonalized, you should try SSRI + Modafinil or SSRI + Naltrexone first, people had good experiences from these. don't jump to hardcore drugs, please.

 

btw, I am in agree with you; I also dont know how some drugs would bring back the "self" and deep emotions.

I experienced strange DP/DR symptoms months back, after an evening I experienced the utterly love and presence of the supreme one; those months my meditations where becoming intense and deep. I was in heavenly deep emotions and wisdom for a while, then depression and DP/DR symptoms gradually developed. It was like nothing else would be better or even similar to what I had experienced that I was also slowly forgetting it.

So, I really don't know how some molecules would solve my problems or guide me through these complex journey! we should surely do train our selves along with taking drugs (as modulators).

Edited by psychejunkie, 05 January 2017 - 05:50 AM.

[Blanker]

Anyone know how to specifically bring back a bit of cognition currently taking 10mg methylphenidate and seems to help me a little bit. This is fucking awful I have been like this as well for 4 months now and psychiatrist is giving me diagnosis of ADHD?. Which it is not its severe dissociation from trauma. I know what you guys are saying it feels like the remainder of yourself is "dead" so to speak and everything feels incredibly uncomfortable and unexplained, like fogged all of the time with no connection to reality.

I find it difficult to combine the theory of how medication works and the effect of neurochemistry on our psychological processing. Like the ego and self may have just died in a spiritual sense and if anyone that had been here and is experiencing can shed some light and explain that neurochemichle process and treatment with medication has alleviated all or many of there symptoms with particular return of cognition and no Anhedonia please speak up and help us please.

Jaiho seems only one here to have recovered from these symptoms? Or partually if he could explain in further detail his experience that would be much appreciated. SSRI seems to have ducked me up even more and trying to wein of them. Not confident in taking SSRI but SNRI would try if they have complete different mechanisms of action but only difference SNRI induces reuptake inhibition of norodipherine as well and not selective in nature? Still inhibits serotonin same as SSRI. (Sorry basic neurochemistry knowledge please excuse me).

And question to MichaelTheAnhedonic have you felt exactly like this blank mind and anhedonia for five years? Or milder dissociation then onset of new symptoms? Appreciate feedback.

How far can we go will and will we ever return. BTW you might have seen me on dp selfhelp.com as "NZRecovery" if that rings any bells.

I'm willing to try anything could anyone suggest first line of action based on SSRI and methylphenidate usage and where to reevaluate with psychiatrist.

[Quaker32]

hey bro.

 

I'm taking sertraline, an SSRI, and I don't like it. I've been taking it or about 3 months and I want to stop.

 

How have you found an SSRI? I too thought about taking an SNRI, but I'm not going to. I might change my mind but I seriously doubt it.

 

I think therapy will be our way out of this. In terms of medication, maybe you could try naltrexone or lamotrigine?

 

How have you found the withdrawal from SSRI?

[Blanker]

Hey man.
Just suicidal thinking and fluctuating moods which can't control and feel so weak. Otherwise it's really weird as withdrawing and brain zaps all of That used to severely bother me now it does nothing to me like I'm just numb to it all. Like suffering for so long and too much has made me immune to everything a as there is no way to get worse than this.

[Blanker]

How do we find a good therapist all of the ones I have seen give me lectures on how I have GAD and don't know what dp/dr and mdd are and laugh at the whole concept of dissiocation and like I'm making up the fact that my cognitions fucked and I'm not "me" anymore.

I was highly intelligent endorsing everything going to do I.T and now work in a mussel factory and can't do anything other than autonomous Labour and forget everything else or can't train my mind to intake anything else like its jumbled.

And they laugh and people still look at us like we are fucking fabricating this deteriation. "Oh you don't have tinnitus, oh you don't have trouble thinking you're only 19! " "you can still do what you used to I know you can" -it's like what the fuck I'm braindead fried and no one will believe or help me at the level and the support I need I will probably wither away as no ambitions or no goals, mind eye doesn't exist and people call this spiritual enlightenment? Lol what to turn into a potato and have no ability to invisige and dream, imagine and be creative,yeah that's really being enlightened.

I will try everything and then If all else fails nothing improves I will probably od myself.

[Blanker]

Anyway sorry so late and so dissociated cat read and sequence even. Ssri has done nothing except potentially messed my mind more while numbing me to make it tolerable because I guess it suppresses the "thoughts" regarding how hopeless and barren this shit is.

How. Long you been like this dude. Anyone else recovery oh know of I'm searching few potential but hard to determine if they have same symptoms as people describe and mean differently based on same word with differing experience.