hi there lovely longecity members 
my problem is, i feel "real emotions" like for 3 or 4 seconds 2 or 3 times a month when for instance, my gf hugs me from behind while being active ony my computer, or she wakes me up after 10 minute of sleeping... like a oxytocyine kinda feeling, .
generally i feel like a really positive person, but all like extremely blunted.like i feel neeeeever bad emotions .. only if i have extremly long arguments with my gf or something..
i laugh often but really dulled emotion or not clear emotion while laughing...
i stopped drinking and smoking for 10 months now , they gave me emotions, smoking gave me really dopamine happy feelings, and drinking made me emotionally the day after binge drinking but like really conncected to others and feeling love and sadness.. i loved those states...
or lets say if something is on tv where they show something reaaaally sad with sad music.. i can feel short termed sadness but that also really randomly and rarely..
i eat really healthy no gluten fructose since i have intolerances
i tried a few ssri but they worsened the emotional blunting while being on them.
,
cannabis made me euphoric and kinda felt happyness as a real emotuions but the rest made me actually more emotionally flat. when being high.
since i wear glasses it helped my body dymophobic disorder, and training a lot in the gym and eating healthy and having goals like becoming a nutritionist ( already studying) and doing neurofeedback (already 10 times).
im way more positive and i dont feel like a hole in my body..
my current state is like the whole time a positive kinda state ..
dont know if its emotionally or whatever because i forgot how a normal emotional person feels if nothing is hapening.. but actuallypositive most of the time
ive got a gf, my parents are the best in the world and great friends, i cannot complain.
but i really miss loving a person or feeling love, feeling connected to people, looking foward to something longtermed and not dulled... everything is sooooo damn dulled emotionalywise. actually like empty but still positive. or normal .. i cant describe.. but its like a permanent kinda dulled emotion state.. hard to describe..
and i forgot to say i can feel excitement sometimes and real anger (not dulled emotion) when somebody has a problem with me (foreigner).. hhhmm
at the age of 6 my parents divorced and i felt intense sadness for a long time
my brother always bullyd me when i was young
i developed body dysmopohic disorder at the age of 16..
and smoked weed and drunk often alcohol. and together 2.
also had ebv kissing dissease with 16. ( want to mention it just in case its relevant)
when i was young my concentration was reaaaaaaaaaally bad because i had compulsive thinking , also couldnt sit still in theathres. so i dont know if i had Attention Def Syndrom back then.. because now i only have bad concentration even though after more than 15 years (last year ) without complsive thinking i still can only focus if something reaaaaally intrerest me but if not and watching tv or something i zone completly out and think about things but not compulsive..
sorry for my bad gramatic english. its bad i know ^^.
on my list of tablets and things i want to try (at the moment im only doing neurofeedback and eating healthy . im not on AD):
Wellbutrin
Tianeptine
low dose naltrexone
nsi 198
SAMe
Inositol
Lamictal
and other things but i just wanted to mention them for now...
ahh another thing.
i remember 10 months ago when i still smoked, and took n-acetylcysteine amino acid, it gave me real happy feelings. but i was totally hypomanic.. now im not if i take those amino acid.. maybe since stopping smoking or it wore of ...
please lovely members: help me. im really desperate.. i always procrastinate when im looking for help and writing things like this because i procrastinate everywhere.. but as i write this.. i feel hope kinda. i need suggestions in a neurochemistry way especially.. since i think my brain is missing something
