I sent this to another reddit user to ask for help, and I don't feel like writing this twice (except for a few small edits). I'm trying to get my brain back after some gaba-b overuse. I wish I'd been able to be more brief, this is pretty long. I'll try to bold key parts. I'm definitely hurting right now though.
The Chronology
I'll try to describe as well as I can but memory is tricky and it's going to get long. Phenibut 1-1.5g or gabapentin 1.2-2g 1-2 times a week starting April? 2016. It was so great for sadness, social issues, etc. Not much tolerance change or issues on off days for most of that year I think. Got on baclofen starting march this year-- thought it was supposed to be less addictive (general reputation) so I would dose with 2 or 3 off days. My receptors might not have been damaged yet, 25mg produced a fairly decent effect. Not as fun but very relaxing.
The damage was probably worse with this- more potent agonist, fewer off days. Anhedonia first noticed by April 2017 at the latest. Got worse in the summer. I think by June I started taking baclofen with 1 drink. 50mg and a beer was pretty typical. 1.75g phenibut alone, or 3g gabapentin and a drink. I was having depersonalization episodes starting early June or so I think. I now realize inter dose withdrawals were an issue and had escalated to the point of derealization at that point. Bad sign, kindling I guess, but subtle enough that I chalked it up to general mental health issues. I thought I was being careful, but I really wasn't, not nearly enough. I thought if the same dose still worked and I wasn't dosing every day that the damage wasn't too bad. The alcohol synergy made things so much more damaging, I was so stupid to introduce it. My sleep and racing thoughts were deteriorating between doses and by August I straight up couldn't sleep without it.
Daily habit starting mid August for about a month. 50-75mg, 1 or 2 capsules of either the gabapentin or the phenibut, one swig of wine, was probably the range. Just trying to stay functional and rested during family illnesses, hurricane, etc. Began trying to taper in September, I'd take 3 25mg baclofen pills at bedtime for sleep (no booze), and I'd cut a half pill every four or five days. Interdose panicking was every day now. I didn't know how to taper properly, I should have kept smoother blood levels. Took 1/2 pill before bed 9/21/17 and then stopped.
I physically couldn't sleep for a whole week. Tried seroquel, beta alanine, doxylamine, lemon balm, otc stuff like that. Just tiny naps here and there. Used kava for a couple weeks for sleep. Thought kava would be safe/not downregulate/not hurt anything, because it's not tolerance promoting and widely considered benign. Also I was desperate. Anyway I over indulged one night though and had uncontrollable shaking the next day so I stopped it on 10/14. I get some sleep now with .1mg clonidine and 25 mg atarax combined but it's often short and really broken up. I'm worried tolerance will ruin those for me too soon enough and I'll be back to extreme sleep deprivation. That's all I'm taking now. Tried weed and fasoracetam too, but the way these symptoms wax and wane is crazy making and it totally prevents me from having any way to judge what helps and what makes it worse. So I'm staying away from everything until I'm more sure, excepting the sleep meds.
I've hit my brain through many mechanisms. The alcohol gaba-a issue complicates things. I'm guessing the lion's share of the issue is gaba-b because I didn't drink that much, and subjectively I felt more baclofen-ed than drunk when I dosed. But I'm totally guessing. My a and b receptors are probably both corrupted to an extent.
Symptoms have been-
Strong insomnia- I doubt I'd get more than a tiny bit of sleep without any meds rn
Agitation and restlessness- my legs demand lots of walking every day and I often have to jiggle them while sitting to placate their restlessness. Had the same feeling in my hands but that's better
Racing thoughts- noisy brain, inner chatter, ear worms, loops Obsessive thinking especially fixating on symptom levels, recovery time frames, brain damage
Autonomic irregularities- heart races sometimes. Sweating and shivering, can't control temperature.
Sensory issues- at first I couldn't stand tv or music or podcasts, it was like all sensory input was noxious. music is shrill, shirt feels like sandpaper. I can watch tv and listen to podcasts again for now.
poor concentration and working memory- setting timers and forgetting how long. holding glasses and not remembering picking them up.
Skin crawling
Irritable
Head pressure
Visual disturbances (snow, floaters, afterimages)
Tinnitus
Mood impairment- anhedonia, anxiety, irrititability, depression
Motor changes- reduced fine motor dexterity, hands shake a bit sometimes when I try to e.g. write, light a candle
Wired and energetic and exhausted. Too tapped out to move, to restless to stay still.
appetite reduction, had many days where I could barely bring myself to eat. I felt like I had to add this now because it was a pretty major thing, I lost like 10 pounds.
Most of these issues seem to be diminishing a bit in average intensity lately so I'm guessing that means I'm post acute? Unless I'm just in a good window idk
I'm so sad about and ashamed of damaging my brain. I'm terrified that receptor uncoupling or glutamate toxicity broke something that won't heal with time. I wish I'd gone to a doctor or asked for help before tapering or trying other substances. I wish I'd quit last year.
Users like like dylesid or phenibut10 have me terrified I'll never be happy, sleep well naturally or be comfortable in my own skin for many many months if ever. Poor dylesid is sleeping 2 hours a night after 2 years of abstinence :(
It makes me want to end it all but for the fact that phenibut10's habit was much heavier than mine followed by cold turkey, and dylesid's went on for much longer. But fuck, maybe all my interdose kindling is just as bad.
I'm interested in getting medical marijuana for sleep through a non gaba mechanism, but I'm getting contradictory info on how weed impacts gaba. Will CBD or THC piss off my gaba receptors or get in the way of my healing in any way?
I also want to try homotaurine, but I'm concerned that antagonism could kindle me even more. Its has promising anecdotal reports behind it, u/2pacisalive4real on reddit got some good results, but the gaba-a partial agonism makes me wonder if it can downregulate or otherwise irritate my healing gaba-a.
I really need some guidance and I really need some hope. What do I take for this, and what do I do? And I know it's really individual, but what are some optimistic and pessimistic guesses about how much longer this will take? I want to heal my gaba up before my sleep meds stop working, and I want to hear that I'll be okay, if that's something you can say honestly. Thank you so much if you read all of this and thanks for trying to help. I'm not sure what to expect or what to do, my doctors don't show signs of understanding gaba b withdrawal any more than I do and I really need someone to talk me through this <3
Edited by glocal, 08 November 2017 - 06:40 PM.
